I realized that I haven't used any of my faster acting pain meds for several days now.
My headaches have been negotiable, and my knee pain has also been lower too.
Now I can only figure out a good way to cure "FAS", I'd be in good shape. (Fat Ass Syndrome).
Ok, I know that if I stand up, I don't look like I'm grossly overweight, but the scales and doctors say that I am.
Ellie and I got the power of attorney setup with my uncle finally, so that way I can really take better care of my uncle.
I'm really glad that the attorney we used was our friend from church as he did the work pro gratis(or is it bono? Not the U2 or Cher Bono)
Rather, he didn't charge us for the work. I think he saw it as something he could do for his friend, as he and my uncle were pretty good friends before my uncle's life went down the shitter.
My uncle actually has very little money anyway, so this was a blessing for us.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Uncle Update.
My uncle called me this morning requesting some additional clothes from his apartment.
This is a reasonable request, but he told me goodnight, when we disconnected.
He thinks that it's night, when it's actually 12 hours opposite. It's just after 9:00 AM.
I texted Ellie that we needed to get the attorney and go over to get me signed on as one of his power of attorneys.
Without my access as his power of attorney, I cannot help him very well when we're out at Dr. offices & other places where they have started questioning his mental health.
It's his mental health that's going to hell in a hand basket, not his physical health.
Damn... I'd rather not see him like this, and he was doing everything "correct" to not have problems like this...
He's good at crosswords & puzzles, and kept doing them. Even now, I believe he's still doing them, but I'm not so certain.
At this point, I'm starting to think that he'd be better off staying in the nursing home instead of going back to his assisted living facility.
It is really hard to watch someone that you grew up, barely knowing, then got to know pretty well much later in his life, and wished you were around him more when you were younger. He always seemed to have some sort of project/plan/fun things to do or make up his sleeve.
He's a pretty good guy.
This is a reasonable request, but he told me goodnight, when we disconnected.
He thinks that it's night, when it's actually 12 hours opposite. It's just after 9:00 AM.
I texted Ellie that we needed to get the attorney and go over to get me signed on as one of his power of attorneys.
Without my access as his power of attorney, I cannot help him very well when we're out at Dr. offices & other places where they have started questioning his mental health.
It's his mental health that's going to hell in a hand basket, not his physical health.
Damn... I'd rather not see him like this, and he was doing everything "correct" to not have problems like this...
He's good at crosswords & puzzles, and kept doing them. Even now, I believe he's still doing them, but I'm not so certain.
At this point, I'm starting to think that he'd be better off staying in the nursing home instead of going back to his assisted living facility.
It is really hard to watch someone that you grew up, barely knowing, then got to know pretty well much later in his life, and wished you were around him more when you were younger. He always seemed to have some sort of project/plan/fun things to do or make up his sleeve.
He's a pretty good guy.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Oh happy day...
It's not a bad day.
Started out very slow/dazed, but not too bad.
Today, I decided right off the bat, instead of waiting hours, I took a nodoze/caffeine tablet. It seems to have a better affect.
I suppose I should get my daily pill containers that I "use" for my medications and fill them up with my pills again and include the caffeine. I say "use", as I have them, but I haven't used them for over a month... perhaps two months now.
For book reading, I'm still enjoying "The Hobbit". It's a great read and full of fun.
I don't remember the Fellowship, Two Towers or Return of the King very well, but I've only read through those twice, and the last time was over 20 years ago.
Recently, I remembered that there's a shop right here in my small town that sells incense, so I thought I'd try them out.
They have a great selection of scents and the incense burns really well and I'm actually getting more bang for my buck here. I'm getting 10 sticks for my $1 instead of 8.
The other place was selling stuff from India, which isn't bad stuff. In fact, it was good quality stuff, but I didn't want to have to plan out trips to the store in the next town all the time to get more.
I only burn incense when I'm working.. Like right now... I'm "working".
Actually, when I take breaks to write, here in my blog, it's good for me as it distracts me enough that I can let my mind float/wander. I can then start to think out what I'm writing code for and come up with solutions.
Like right now, I have someone accusing me that my tool isn't gathering the right info. Reviewing what's gathered, it's accurately doing what it was told to do... Unfortunately, this is an environment that isn't well documented and I'll probably be the schmuck that does it right...
Watching the smoke from the incense waft up, makes me want to say that I don't smoke, I just enjoy the smell that the incense provides. It's calming, and to a bipolar person, having calming things is a very big deal, because once I'm overloaded, it gets ugly.
Started out very slow/dazed, but not too bad.
Today, I decided right off the bat, instead of waiting hours, I took a nodoze/caffeine tablet. It seems to have a better affect.
I suppose I should get my daily pill containers that I "use" for my medications and fill them up with my pills again and include the caffeine. I say "use", as I have them, but I haven't used them for over a month... perhaps two months now.
For book reading, I'm still enjoying "The Hobbit". It's a great read and full of fun.
I don't remember the Fellowship, Two Towers or Return of the King very well, but I've only read through those twice, and the last time was over 20 years ago.
Recently, I remembered that there's a shop right here in my small town that sells incense, so I thought I'd try them out.
They have a great selection of scents and the incense burns really well and I'm actually getting more bang for my buck here. I'm getting 10 sticks for my $1 instead of 8.
The other place was selling stuff from India, which isn't bad stuff. In fact, it was good quality stuff, but I didn't want to have to plan out trips to the store in the next town all the time to get more.
I only burn incense when I'm working.. Like right now... I'm "working".
Actually, when I take breaks to write, here in my blog, it's good for me as it distracts me enough that I can let my mind float/wander. I can then start to think out what I'm writing code for and come up with solutions.
Like right now, I have someone accusing me that my tool isn't gathering the right info. Reviewing what's gathered, it's accurately doing what it was told to do... Unfortunately, this is an environment that isn't well documented and I'll probably be the schmuck that does it right...
Watching the smoke from the incense waft up, makes me want to say that I don't smoke, I just enjoy the smell that the incense provides. It's calming, and to a bipolar person, having calming things is a very big deal, because once I'm overloaded, it gets ugly.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Just do it?
WTF is that supposed to actually mean to a depressed guy?
It's like those moron friends & associates that come up to you and say "You just got to stop being so depressed".
Well, STFU!
I'm a bit blue again this morning/early afternoon. I also have a bit of a headache coming on.
I finally had some Caffiene and a pain pill.
I should be buzzing pretty soon, maybe not.
Hell, I dunno.
I should take sometime and spend it writing & typing my stories into the computer, so that I can start to submit them.
I dunno why I don't use a computer directly, but I feel more at home with my fountain pen and a pad of paper.
That's how I used to write 20 years ago in high school.
Anyone ever feel that they want to revisit those years again? Not me, really.. Well, I'd like to find my old friends again and get some sort of support system setup with them again.
Without their knowing it... Hell, I had an ex girlfriend that I remained good friends with after we broke up.
I doubt she'll want to chat with me, because she felt that my brother(s) used her just for tongue. I didn't... I genuinely miss her as the friend she was.
Oh well, I'm married and Ellie is a good friend, but there are times that I want to talk and vent, and all she can do is try to "fix" things.
Drives me up the freakin' wall.
Well, I'm starting to feel better, the pain pill is kicking in and the headache pain is going away now.
It's like those moron friends & associates that come up to you and say "You just got to stop being so depressed".
Well, STFU!
I'm a bit blue again this morning/early afternoon. I also have a bit of a headache coming on.
I finally had some Caffiene and a pain pill.
I should be buzzing pretty soon, maybe not.
Hell, I dunno.
I should take sometime and spend it writing & typing my stories into the computer, so that I can start to submit them.
I dunno why I don't use a computer directly, but I feel more at home with my fountain pen and a pad of paper.
That's how I used to write 20 years ago in high school.
Anyone ever feel that they want to revisit those years again? Not me, really.. Well, I'd like to find my old friends again and get some sort of support system setup with them again.
Without their knowing it... Hell, I had an ex girlfriend that I remained good friends with after we broke up.
I doubt she'll want to chat with me, because she felt that my brother(s) used her just for tongue. I didn't... I genuinely miss her as the friend she was.
Oh well, I'm married and Ellie is a good friend, but there are times that I want to talk and vent, and all she can do is try to "fix" things.
Drives me up the freakin' wall.
Well, I'm starting to feel better, the pain pill is kicking in and the headache pain is going away now.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
I suppose...
I suppose that if you were to encounter a bipolar dude and asked if he was depressed and the answer was "I don't think so" he would be a pretty good money maker that yes he was.
Earlier today, I didn't think I was depressed, but as I look back tonight, I was.
Part of it came from reading "The Mockingjay". If you haven't read it yet and you go into depression from depressing stories, Avoid it.
I have found that my mood is often set by my the mood of what I read.
After I finished that book I knew it had helped to drop my mood, because I started "The Hobbit". Last time I read that was 20 years ago and I still love the book an can remember most of the story still. It's a classic!!!
Whilst reading it my mood lit up and I find myself smiling again! :)
I'm glad for Tolkien!
Earlier today, I didn't think I was depressed, but as I look back tonight, I was.
Part of it came from reading "The Mockingjay". If you haven't read it yet and you go into depression from depressing stories, Avoid it.
I have found that my mood is often set by my the mood of what I read.
After I finished that book I knew it had helped to drop my mood, because I started "The Hobbit". Last time I read that was 20 years ago and I still love the book an can remember most of the story still. It's a classic!!!
Whilst reading it my mood lit up and I find myself smiling again! :)
I'm glad for Tolkien!
I'm starting to go into a "not giving a rip" mood again...
See, I got like this last year about this time.
I just wanted to be home, but when I was home or away from home, I didn't give a freakin' rip. The heat bothered me, the cool air bothered me. Going on long trips bothered me.
Suppose that the whole freakin' world just bothered me.
"Just keep my pain meds coming", and I'd be "happy" without actually being happy.
This is hard to describe to a therapist, and I think I probably should call mine and make an appointment to see if she has any advice for this type of state.
I mean, I'm not fully depressed, but I am not really into my hobbies that much either.
Yesterday, I managed to sand the finish off of almost all of the visible parts of a bedside table for my daughter, that we picked up at Goodwill for a few bucks that needed to be refinished, but was in otherwise great condition.
I am close to having that "project" out of my shop/garage.
After that one's done, I can start to move things around and putting things away to make room for a monster assed rock saw.
Ok, monster assed is a 14" rock saw, so I could be able to make a 6"-6.5" cut on a single pass.
This is quite an upgrade from making 3"-3.5" cuts with my 6" rock saw.
I can slab out my larger stones, and then I can hit them with the 6" when I need smaller pieces.
My variety of Lapidary is mostly rock carving, where I create animals/shapes/etc.
I can create cabochons and what not, but I like the freedom to take my rotary grinder and create smaller customized stones for people.
For example, my daughter has asked for me to carve out the knot of Isis into a pendent that she can wear.
Sure, I can carve it, and she'll like it. I don't mind her wearing it, I became a big fan of the Kane Chronicles!
Rick Riordan, please don't add Percy Jackson or the other book lines/stories with the Kane Chronicles. I loved them the way they are.
In fact, I even went so far as to start locating all that I could, for free, on Egyptian and hieroglyphs, based on the books. There are various scriptorial impacts and things that can be solved from some of the Egyptian inspired glyphs.
I just wanted to be home, but when I was home or away from home, I didn't give a freakin' rip. The heat bothered me, the cool air bothered me. Going on long trips bothered me.
Suppose that the whole freakin' world just bothered me.
"Just keep my pain meds coming", and I'd be "happy" without actually being happy.
This is hard to describe to a therapist, and I think I probably should call mine and make an appointment to see if she has any advice for this type of state.
I mean, I'm not fully depressed, but I am not really into my hobbies that much either.
Yesterday, I managed to sand the finish off of almost all of the visible parts of a bedside table for my daughter, that we picked up at Goodwill for a few bucks that needed to be refinished, but was in otherwise great condition.
I am close to having that "project" out of my shop/garage.
After that one's done, I can start to move things around and putting things away to make room for a monster assed rock saw.
Ok, monster assed is a 14" rock saw, so I could be able to make a 6"-6.5" cut on a single pass.
This is quite an upgrade from making 3"-3.5" cuts with my 6" rock saw.
I can slab out my larger stones, and then I can hit them with the 6" when I need smaller pieces.
My variety of Lapidary is mostly rock carving, where I create animals/shapes/etc.
I can create cabochons and what not, but I like the freedom to take my rotary grinder and create smaller customized stones for people.
For example, my daughter has asked for me to carve out the knot of Isis into a pendent that she can wear.
Sure, I can carve it, and she'll like it. I don't mind her wearing it, I became a big fan of the Kane Chronicles!
Rick Riordan, please don't add Percy Jackson or the other book lines/stories with the Kane Chronicles. I loved them the way they are.
In fact, I even went so far as to start locating all that I could, for free, on Egyptian and hieroglyphs, based on the books. There are various scriptorial impacts and things that can be solved from some of the Egyptian inspired glyphs.
Again, I just don't seem to give a fart...
I was going to use the other F word there, but that's how much I don't care what I'm using/say right now.
I'm not really feeling down, but I'm just not feeling like doing anything else.
Maybe I'm having a heart attack, my left arm has been tingling for hours now.
If it's a heart attack, then fucking get it over with.
Problem is... I don't want to see a doctor or get checked into a hospital or go to an ER...
Unless my wife shows up and convinces me otherwise.
Most of what I do for my bipolar and health is for her, not for me...
I love her beyond what I can describe to anyone.
I'm not really feeling down, but I'm just not feeling like doing anything else.
Maybe I'm having a heart attack, my left arm has been tingling for hours now.
If it's a heart attack, then fucking get it over with.
Problem is... I don't want to see a doctor or get checked into a hospital or go to an ER...
Unless my wife shows up and convinces me otherwise.
Most of what I do for my bipolar and health is for her, not for me...
I love her beyond what I can describe to anyone.
Friday, May 24, 2013
On the road again...
I'm on the road again, can't wait to get on the road again...
Well... ummm.. I don't know.
I suppose we're going to put in our garden tomorrow..
I'd really like to have time in my shop to clean things up and get that new rock saw operational.
Knowing my wife, she'll tell me I can have time on Monday to do it, but to work my ass off so that I can't hardly move come Monday.
Oh well, I'm doing OK today and I'm easily distracted...
Well... ummm.. I don't know.
I suppose we're going to put in our garden tomorrow..
I'd really like to have time in my shop to clean things up and get that new rock saw operational.
Knowing my wife, she'll tell me I can have time on Monday to do it, but to work my ass off so that I can't hardly move come Monday.
Oh well, I'm doing OK today and I'm easily distracted...
Thursday, May 23, 2013
The monkey's his uncle? No my uncle.
My uncle has been released from the hospital to a nursing home, where he'll be rehabilitated and molly coddled.
He's got a bad case of Sundowners Syndrome. Which means that in the morning he should pretty much himself, but as the day wears on, towards the afternoon he starts to act crazy as the neighbor kid on RC cola & pixy sticks.
Last week, he called me various times after 2-3. Usually wondering if he's legally OK for what he's doing. One day it was for Boy Scouts, then another he was worried as hell the Girl Scouts were out to get him.
Another day he was certain that he had gotten into some really bad legal problems and wanted to know if I had it taken care of.
I always humor his requests and phone calls. If I don't then he starts to really get excited and with a broken hip, I worry about him starting to push himself really far and getting into trouble.
I wished that my cousins could help deal with their dad, but it doesn't seem as though it's going to go that way.
Too bad for me, but good for my Uncle, I suppose. At least I'm there for him, else he'd be all alone. That's no way to live your life.
Granted, there are times I love to be alone, but all in all, I'd rather be with Ellie than anything else in life.
He's got a bad case of Sundowners Syndrome. Which means that in the morning he should pretty much himself, but as the day wears on, towards the afternoon he starts to act crazy as the neighbor kid on RC cola & pixy sticks.
Last week, he called me various times after 2-3. Usually wondering if he's legally OK for what he's doing. One day it was for Boy Scouts, then another he was worried as hell the Girl Scouts were out to get him.
Another day he was certain that he had gotten into some really bad legal problems and wanted to know if I had it taken care of.
I always humor his requests and phone calls. If I don't then he starts to really get excited and with a broken hip, I worry about him starting to push himself really far and getting into trouble.
I wished that my cousins could help deal with their dad, but it doesn't seem as though it's going to go that way.
Too bad for me, but good for my Uncle, I suppose. At least I'm there for him, else he'd be all alone. That's no way to live your life.
Granted, there are times I love to be alone, but all in all, I'd rather be with Ellie than anything else in life.
I thought this would be easier to do than video logs...
Generally, I think I'm a bit of a motor mouth/keyboard/typist...
Today I just don't seem to care... again...
Surprise, surprise... Another bipolar person doesn't really seem to care!
How many of us are there that just don't seem to care.
I want to work and it's really hard, trying to get really involved... Maybe not involved.. but Engaged.
I can't seem to engage my mental gears and get work going.
Last night, I think I slept pretty well, except I think I had the damn CPAP mask on a bit too tight, and my upper lip was a bit sore like it was pressed on pretty good by the mask.
I'm taking stock of my incense, and I'm almost out... Ok, I'm just about out of my favorite scent, Opium.
I've never smoked Opium nor have I ever been around anyone who was smoking it. I like the balmy scent of it burning.
Perhaps that's why my purchases of incense 1/2 or more of the order is Opium.
Then I like the smell of roses, so a rose scent is desired. Then Amber.
There's a small shop downtown, in my small town, that sells incense, and I want to give them a try out here soon
If I like their stuff, it'll switch over to buying from them, as they're local and I actually will get more incense per $ than I am now.
I've tried some of their incense cones and I like the scent, but I had trouble burning them... Turns out I had trouble burning all of the cones in my old cone burner.
Now my cone burner can take like 6 cones at a time, and I can flood the room with smoke and inhale enough as though I was smoking... Too much incense... So I try to limit myself to 1-2 cones burning at a single time.
In many ways, this blog is a journal for me & my family. Although, I'm the only one who does anything with it.
My wife, Ellie, doesn't look at it and seems to forget that I keep it.
My kids aren't really ready to follow their crazy daddy's mind, and I hope they don't really want to follow my blog.
The girls just aren't ready to see into the mind of their father and how he feels & thinks throughout the day.
As they're growing older and we spend more time together, they're starting to realize that I cannot always control my anger/behavior very well.
Well, I have a new mania.. I am going to build a rocket stove.
These little stoves are pretty cool.
I have a 220 welder and it works very well... I'll have to use the sawsall & other tools to cut the metal to the shapes I need, then I can weld them together.
Why build the stove? I don't know... but I do know...
It's something, if built right, we can cook with/on if an emergency arises, or we can simply take it camping with us, and not use a propane stove... We could just burn small sticks/branches/etc, and still cook enough food as though we were using propane.
As for adjusting the heat of the stove, I'm not certain at, except to limit the airflow at the lower part of the stove.
I want to build it with a chimney so that way the pots & pans won't get all blackened by cooking on it.
I saw one guy's design that was setup to run on wood pellets and I really liked the design he built.
I want to take that one just a step further.
I'll want to build this thing for "Free" or as close to "Free" as I can, so that way my wife won't give a shit that I build it.
When it's done, if it works as well as I've seen others, she should be impressed, and therefore shut up about why I got obsessed to build one.
Today I just don't seem to care... again...
Surprise, surprise... Another bipolar person doesn't really seem to care!
How many of us are there that just don't seem to care.
I want to work and it's really hard, trying to get really involved... Maybe not involved.. but Engaged.
I can't seem to engage my mental gears and get work going.
Last night, I think I slept pretty well, except I think I had the damn CPAP mask on a bit too tight, and my upper lip was a bit sore like it was pressed on pretty good by the mask.
I'm taking stock of my incense, and I'm almost out... Ok, I'm just about out of my favorite scent, Opium.
I've never smoked Opium nor have I ever been around anyone who was smoking it. I like the balmy scent of it burning.
Perhaps that's why my purchases of incense 1/2 or more of the order is Opium.
Then I like the smell of roses, so a rose scent is desired. Then Amber.
There's a small shop downtown, in my small town, that sells incense, and I want to give them a try out here soon
If I like their stuff, it'll switch over to buying from them, as they're local and I actually will get more incense per $ than I am now.
I've tried some of their incense cones and I like the scent, but I had trouble burning them... Turns out I had trouble burning all of the cones in my old cone burner.
Now my cone burner can take like 6 cones at a time, and I can flood the room with smoke and inhale enough as though I was smoking... Too much incense... So I try to limit myself to 1-2 cones burning at a single time.
In many ways, this blog is a journal for me & my family. Although, I'm the only one who does anything with it.
My wife, Ellie, doesn't look at it and seems to forget that I keep it.
My kids aren't really ready to follow their crazy daddy's mind, and I hope they don't really want to follow my blog.
The girls just aren't ready to see into the mind of their father and how he feels & thinks throughout the day.
As they're growing older and we spend more time together, they're starting to realize that I cannot always control my anger/behavior very well.
Well, I have a new mania.. I am going to build a rocket stove.
These little stoves are pretty cool.
I have a 220 welder and it works very well... I'll have to use the sawsall & other tools to cut the metal to the shapes I need, then I can weld them together.
Why build the stove? I don't know... but I do know...
It's something, if built right, we can cook with/on if an emergency arises, or we can simply take it camping with us, and not use a propane stove... We could just burn small sticks/branches/etc, and still cook enough food as though we were using propane.
As for adjusting the heat of the stove, I'm not certain at, except to limit the airflow at the lower part of the stove.
I want to build it with a chimney so that way the pots & pans won't get all blackened by cooking on it.
I saw one guy's design that was setup to run on wood pellets and I really liked the design he built.
I want to take that one just a step further.
I'll want to build this thing for "Free" or as close to "Free" as I can, so that way my wife won't give a shit that I build it.
When it's done, if it works as well as I've seen others, she should be impressed, and therefore shut up about why I got obsessed to build one.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K" (Ted "Theodore" Logan)
Well, within 24 hours after our last release, there are multiple items that I had directly worked on that are reporting exceptions.
Well, all I can say is "Fuck".
Shit's starting to hit the fan, but that's OK, it's giving me a sense of urgency to get things done for work.
Otherwise, today was going to be a boring ass day where I want things to happen, but cannot make any of it happen on my own.
Here I go.
Well, all I can say is "Fuck".
Shit's starting to hit the fan, but that's OK, it's giving me a sense of urgency to get things done for work.
Otherwise, today was going to be a boring ass day where I want things to happen, but cannot make any of it happen on my own.
Here I go.
I don't feel like doing much at all today.
The thought of taking time to type anything here, for example, doesn't really interest me.
I don't feel like playing my flute to make recordings, I don't feel like doing much at all.
They're trying to release my uncle today and send him over to the nursing home again.
I'll need to get his wallet as they said he had a few hundred $ in it, and I know that things "disappear" from that nursing home.
So, I'll probably take his wallet and anything else he doesn't "need" at that point.
I wonder if he'll want to have his DVD player over there this time?
I don't know, I am just starting to get tired and am not getting any sort of "recharge" from all of this worrying.
Even now, compared to yesterday, I feel down and dumpy, which is why I want to quit my meds.
I mean, I slept well and everything, but I don't feel like doing much or motivated to do much...
Fuck if I know...
I don't feel like playing my flute to make recordings, I don't feel like doing much at all.
They're trying to release my uncle today and send him over to the nursing home again.
I'll need to get his wallet as they said he had a few hundred $ in it, and I know that things "disappear" from that nursing home.
So, I'll probably take his wallet and anything else he doesn't "need" at that point.
I wonder if he'll want to have his DVD player over there this time?
I don't know, I am just starting to get tired and am not getting any sort of "recharge" from all of this worrying.
Even now, compared to yesterday, I feel down and dumpy, which is why I want to quit my meds.
I mean, I slept well and everything, but I don't feel like doing much or motivated to do much...
Fuck if I know...
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
I did it... I finally did it...
For months now, since I started this blog, I've felt kind of bad as a text blog is only up-datable by typing and cannot always capture the mood of a person like the way a video does.
This has been weighing on me for a while now, and I finally got out the camera and set it on my desk so that way it only pointed at my mid section.
Then I introduced my flute.
I made this flute in 2005, without any prior knowledge or taking classes to design them.
This flute represents hours & hours of searching the internet for information from 2004->2005.
I didn't have any idea how to play a Low D penny whistle, so I just played with it over and over and over.
My wife, Ellie, was ready to shoot me, but I kept playing and eventually, I learned how to play it by ear and I can play pretty much any tune that I hear.
Most of my music comes from Church Hymns. My inspiration and focus of Hymns is probably from both my mom & her mom. My granny was an organist and a chorister, while my mom was into playing music when she was younger, but I never witnessed her playing very many instruments. She was a chorister at church for as long as I can remember...
She led the Hymns during service, and then also doubled as the choir director forever, pretty much as long as I've lived with her. (Till I was about 21-22).
I taught myself how to pick songs on a guitar using the hymn book as a guide, which also translated/helped me a lot to learn how to rewrite the Hymns into the Key of D or G, which are the two basic keys that a Low D penny whistle plays in. (Difference is that D has F sharp & C Sharp, while the G key has F sharp)
When I started learning how to play the Banjo, the music experience from the flute helped me out as I could then pick out songs easily as I could do it from the flute.
Now when I pick up a guitar or a Mandolin, I can play either of those pretty well.
Ok, not too well with the Mandolin, but I can play tunes on it. What I need to do is spend some serious time with it so that I can play it better and songs that were meant for the instrument.
I suppose, I'll include more music on my YouTube channel as the mood strikes me.
As it goes for today's mood/funk, I'm feeling pretty good now and pretty even keel. Like I'm done with the high's & low for the day.
I pray that each of you who follow me keep things going, will be lifted by my music.
BTW, here's the link to me playing Amazing Grace.
Might as well add the link for me playing Abide with Me; 'Tis Eventide
This has been weighing on me for a while now, and I finally got out the camera and set it on my desk so that way it only pointed at my mid section.
Then I introduced my flute.
I made this flute in 2005, without any prior knowledge or taking classes to design them.
This flute represents hours & hours of searching the internet for information from 2004->2005.
I didn't have any idea how to play a Low D penny whistle, so I just played with it over and over and over.
My wife, Ellie, was ready to shoot me, but I kept playing and eventually, I learned how to play it by ear and I can play pretty much any tune that I hear.
Most of my music comes from Church Hymns. My inspiration and focus of Hymns is probably from both my mom & her mom. My granny was an organist and a chorister, while my mom was into playing music when she was younger, but I never witnessed her playing very many instruments. She was a chorister at church for as long as I can remember...
She led the Hymns during service, and then also doubled as the choir director forever, pretty much as long as I've lived with her. (Till I was about 21-22).
I taught myself how to pick songs on a guitar using the hymn book as a guide, which also translated/helped me a lot to learn how to rewrite the Hymns into the Key of D or G, which are the two basic keys that a Low D penny whistle plays in. (Difference is that D has F sharp & C Sharp, while the G key has F sharp)
When I started learning how to play the Banjo, the music experience from the flute helped me out as I could then pick out songs easily as I could do it from the flute.
Now when I pick up a guitar or a Mandolin, I can play either of those pretty well.
Ok, not too well with the Mandolin, but I can play tunes on it. What I need to do is spend some serious time with it so that I can play it better and songs that were meant for the instrument.
I suppose, I'll include more music on my YouTube channel as the mood strikes me.
As it goes for today's mood/funk, I'm feeling pretty good now and pretty even keel. Like I'm done with the high's & low for the day.
I pray that each of you who follow me keep things going, will be lifted by my music.
BTW, here's the link to me playing Amazing Grace.
Might as well add the link for me playing Abide with Me; 'Tis Eventide
Watch out captain! We're going down....
Shit, do I feel like I'm starting to fall!
Damn...
I hope I don't crash out into a depression, which is probably what will happen to me.
Fuck.
My leg was in pain, so I took one of the faster acting pain pills, and it should go away soon.
I also went out and lifted weights for about 5 minutes or so.
The other day I did some lifting and a few days later I finally feel like I've lifted weights.
I don't know why I don't get the sensations until several days after.
Well, I hope that what I just did will help build up on top of what I'm feeling now so that way I can finally start to build up break through muscle.
I really need to start getting my muscles stronger and bigger so that way I hope, it'll help me get rid of all the fat that I'm carrying now.
I don't know if it'll work, but damn, I'm trying.
shit... I'm not really down, but I feel like I'm slowing down and getting ready to come to a stop.
Damn...
I hope I don't crash out into a depression, which is probably what will happen to me.
Fuck.
My leg was in pain, so I took one of the faster acting pain pills, and it should go away soon.
I also went out and lifted weights for about 5 minutes or so.
The other day I did some lifting and a few days later I finally feel like I've lifted weights.
I don't know why I don't get the sensations until several days after.
Well, I hope that what I just did will help build up on top of what I'm feeling now so that way I can finally start to build up break through muscle.
I really need to start getting my muscles stronger and bigger so that way I hope, it'll help me get rid of all the fat that I'm carrying now.
I don't know if it'll work, but damn, I'm trying.
shit... I'm not really down, but I feel like I'm slowing down and getting ready to come to a stop.
I'm not happy Bob. Not happy.
That quote's from Mr. Incredible's boss...
Right now that's about the way that Ellie (Remember she's my wife...) is feeling...
For several reasons...
I haven't been using my CPAP machine very much recently... Why? I don't know exactly... I think I am starting to see it as "a real pain in the ass" vs. "Hey it helps me to sleep better".
I also have been forgetting to take my Zyprexa and that's really flipping Ellie out even more.
It's sort of exciting to be in trouble like this... I don't know why... Perhaps I'm just an insane crazy mother fletcher...
That's got to be it...
Maybe that's why I'm a bit down when my boss didn't rip me a new one several months ago for letting my work slide really bad. He knew I let it slide, I knew I let it slide... but he didn't give me hell for it.
Well, now I'm on top of my game again and I'm starting to become Mr. Incredible again!
w00t!
Boy, Ellie would be pissed right now if she actually read my blog.... Maybe not... It's hard to say for certain as she's never really understood mental health problems.
I never really understood it until I realized that I was getting brain farked last year and I couldn't get it to stop!
And I'm also doing pretty good about not using my fast acting pain med too.
I'm out of Ice Cream and I don't feel like getting more!
How's that for sudden shit?
I'm feeling pretty awesome.
Am I manic? I don't think so, I think I'm ... I think I'm feeling pretty on top of things the way that I used to be.
Perhaps I was manic most of the time and got really freakin' depressed.... Shit Ellie will have a fit if I stop taking all of my meds...
So I won't stop, but damn... I feel alive today.
Right now that's about the way that Ellie (Remember she's my wife...) is feeling...
For several reasons...
I haven't been using my CPAP machine very much recently... Why? I don't know exactly... I think I am starting to see it as "a real pain in the ass" vs. "Hey it helps me to sleep better".
I also have been forgetting to take my Zyprexa and that's really flipping Ellie out even more.
It's sort of exciting to be in trouble like this... I don't know why... Perhaps I'm just an insane crazy mother fletcher...
That's got to be it...
Maybe that's why I'm a bit down when my boss didn't rip me a new one several months ago for letting my work slide really bad. He knew I let it slide, I knew I let it slide... but he didn't give me hell for it.
Well, now I'm on top of my game again and I'm starting to become Mr. Incredible again!
w00t!
Boy, Ellie would be pissed right now if she actually read my blog.... Maybe not... It's hard to say for certain as she's never really understood mental health problems.
I never really understood it until I realized that I was getting brain farked last year and I couldn't get it to stop!
And I'm also doing pretty good about not using my fast acting pain med too.
I'm out of Ice Cream and I don't feel like getting more!
How's that for sudden shit?
I'm feeling pretty awesome.
Am I manic? I don't think so, I think I'm ... I think I'm feeling pretty on top of things the way that I used to be.
Perhaps I was manic most of the time and got really freakin' depressed.... Shit Ellie will have a fit if I stop taking all of my meds...
So I won't stop, but damn... I feel alive today.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Damn, I got mites again...
Dang spider mites.
I thought the Systemic fertilizer was going to banish the little suckers.
Or perhaps it's time for another treatment/fertilizing?
Why not? My office already smells like the spray for getting rid of the mites.
I'm not exactly certain how I'm doing today.
Today I'm working and not necessarily getting where I want to be at, but I'll figure it out...
Fuck.. It's not about the flowers or how I'm feeling today, but one of the products that I work with finally moved their product into the full 64-bit operations in Windows.
Which means all the registry & file collection routines we wrote months ago need to be revisited and adjusted to accommodate the changes.
For years, their 64-bit "support" was nothing but the 32-bit application running on a 64-bit OS, not that they've made the application a 64-bit application, so we had to maintain a backwards looking ability to look at the x86 system on all Windows versions no matter what the processor architecture is like.
Now I get to figure out how to adapt what I have setup to work with minimal code changes.
Well, it's my freakin' woe so here I go.
I thought the Systemic fertilizer was going to banish the little suckers.
Or perhaps it's time for another treatment/fertilizing?
Why not? My office already smells like the spray for getting rid of the mites.
I'm not exactly certain how I'm doing today.
Today I'm working and not necessarily getting where I want to be at, but I'll figure it out...
Fuck.. It's not about the flowers or how I'm feeling today, but one of the products that I work with finally moved their product into the full 64-bit operations in Windows.
Which means all the registry & file collection routines we wrote months ago need to be revisited and adjusted to accommodate the changes.
For years, their 64-bit "support" was nothing but the 32-bit application running on a 64-bit OS, not that they've made the application a 64-bit application, so we had to maintain a backwards looking ability to look at the x86 system on all Windows versions no matter what the processor architecture is like.
Now I get to figure out how to adapt what I have setup to work with minimal code changes.
Well, it's my freakin' woe so here I go.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Uncle update... Broken hip.
My uncle fell last night and broke his hip.
He's scheduled for surgery around 1:00pm this afternoon...
My girls are going to go home after school and watch movies if no one is there to get them after school.
My uncle made my wife his power of attorney and she's off in meetings with out her phone... Damn this just gets better...
He's scheduled for surgery around 1:00pm this afternoon...
My girls are going to go home after school and watch movies if no one is there to get them after school.
My uncle made my wife his power of attorney and she's off in meetings with out her phone... Damn this just gets better...
Ok, now I understand bipolar trigger warnings...
Earlier this week, I received an ebook from Steve Martin.
I thought to myself, "Steve Martin? Should be funny as hell..."
The book was funny for the first few chapters, and after a while the main character who suffers from some forms of insanity started to wear off on me.
I started to get really depressed and I kept reading the book. I thought, "Hey, this should get really, really funny.... soon..."
It never did get really funny.
Yesterday morning, I started Bill Crystal's "700 Sundays" and it started off really, really great! I mean, I was having a hard time holding it in while I was supposed to be sitting stiff & straight. Unfortunately, as the book progressed it started getting more & more serious, but I think Billy had a harder time spinning humor into this as it was about his mom, whom he loved very much.
I finished it yesterday afternoon, and while I thought, "Hey, I'll get boosted by humor", and I was while it was really funny, but later on, it kind of left me down.
Thank goodness the girls had water polo practice & scrimmages in the afternoon, so I went to watch. Sitting there in that muggy/warm indoor swimming pool kind of help rouse me a bit.
For some reason, whenever I read a book that has a mentally messed up main character I get depressed or feel so attached to it/him/her, that I think I should stop.
I started reading another ebook a friend had and it had a guy who was a shrink that was doing coke, and trying to be a criminal guy... I finally finished the first chapter and removed the book from my Kindle and the others by the author.
I don't know... I think that as an author, the main characters shouldn't be shooting up heroin or snorting coke...
It's not that I want to read a rosy colored book.. Hell, I love many of Anne Rice & Stephen King books because of their messed up characters, but for a character to keep going back for more coke was depressing...
My wife is one of my biggest triggers, especially when she's trying to plan out everything that she's working on that it spills over and winds up knee deep around her.
Monday afternoon, I needed to use the bathroom and while I'm navigating the house to get to the crapper, she stand right in my way with a list of what's going to happen during the week. She expected me to stop on my quest for a good bowel movement and read/listen to everything. I had to tell her I was full of shit and if I didn't go soon there might be a problem.
She might've taken offense to it, but dammit, I don't do that to her when she's got to go... In general, if I feel that pressed to talk to a person, I just follow them into the shitter and arm myself with the air freshener... In the case of Ellie, I don't do that because I don't think there's that much that's important to follow her in to the throne room.
There are times where conversations through the door happen, but that's about it. I'll sit outside and wait for her, or if it's not that important, I go back to what I was doing.
I dunno what anyone thinks about this, but hey, some of what's up there is pretty funny shit.
I thought to myself, "Steve Martin? Should be funny as hell..."
The book was funny for the first few chapters, and after a while the main character who suffers from some forms of insanity started to wear off on me.
I started to get really depressed and I kept reading the book. I thought, "Hey, this should get really, really funny.... soon..."
It never did get really funny.
Yesterday morning, I started Bill Crystal's "700 Sundays" and it started off really, really great! I mean, I was having a hard time holding it in while I was supposed to be sitting stiff & straight. Unfortunately, as the book progressed it started getting more & more serious, but I think Billy had a harder time spinning humor into this as it was about his mom, whom he loved very much.
I finished it yesterday afternoon, and while I thought, "Hey, I'll get boosted by humor", and I was while it was really funny, but later on, it kind of left me down.
Thank goodness the girls had water polo practice & scrimmages in the afternoon, so I went to watch. Sitting there in that muggy/warm indoor swimming pool kind of help rouse me a bit.
For some reason, whenever I read a book that has a mentally messed up main character I get depressed or feel so attached to it/him/her, that I think I should stop.
I started reading another ebook a friend had and it had a guy who was a shrink that was doing coke, and trying to be a criminal guy... I finally finished the first chapter and removed the book from my Kindle and the others by the author.
I don't know... I think that as an author, the main characters shouldn't be shooting up heroin or snorting coke...
It's not that I want to read a rosy colored book.. Hell, I love many of Anne Rice & Stephen King books because of their messed up characters, but for a character to keep going back for more coke was depressing...
My wife is one of my biggest triggers, especially when she's trying to plan out everything that she's working on that it spills over and winds up knee deep around her.
Monday afternoon, I needed to use the bathroom and while I'm navigating the house to get to the crapper, she stand right in my way with a list of what's going to happen during the week. She expected me to stop on my quest for a good bowel movement and read/listen to everything. I had to tell her I was full of shit and if I didn't go soon there might be a problem.
She might've taken offense to it, but dammit, I don't do that to her when she's got to go... In general, if I feel that pressed to talk to a person, I just follow them into the shitter and arm myself with the air freshener... In the case of Ellie, I don't do that because I don't think there's that much that's important to follow her in to the throne room.
There are times where conversations through the door happen, but that's about it. I'll sit outside and wait for her, or if it's not that important, I go back to what I was doing.
I dunno what anyone thinks about this, but hey, some of what's up there is pretty funny shit.
Well, if it ain't early enough today?
It's just after 2:00 AM now, and I'm up for the day.
I believe I got enough sleep to keep me going today.
I was really, really, really nauseated again last night, so I found some phenergan... It belongs to my wife, but I figured wtf not?
I took it and it didn't make me feel sleepy, yet.
Wasn't until after watching The Mummy with my girls... According to the rating they're a bit young, but according to me, they're old enough to understand a lot more than expected.
I did fall sleep sometime prior to 8:00 PM last night and the girls woke me up asking me about something.
To which, I told them to go to bed and read if they wanted to.
I went to bed after taking my night meds, and slept real good until around 11:30 PM or so. Then I woke up feeling like I was fully manic, like I could take on the world and that I could connect points between points of lights like a gigantic electrical schematic, etc.
Finally, sometime after 1 AM, I was awake and thought I heard moment on the hardwood floors. I slid the revolver out of it's holster and I looked through the house before putting it back and going pee. Sounds again, this time I could hear them right above the bathroom, which means it was probably opossums on the roof or something like that. Too bad I live in the city, or else I could go out and shoot the bastards down.
I believe I got enough sleep to keep me going today.
I was really, really, really nauseated again last night, so I found some phenergan... It belongs to my wife, but I figured wtf not?
I took it and it didn't make me feel sleepy, yet.
Wasn't until after watching The Mummy with my girls... According to the rating they're a bit young, but according to me, they're old enough to understand a lot more than expected.
I did fall sleep sometime prior to 8:00 PM last night and the girls woke me up asking me about something.
To which, I told them to go to bed and read if they wanted to.
I went to bed after taking my night meds, and slept real good until around 11:30 PM or so. Then I woke up feeling like I was fully manic, like I could take on the world and that I could connect points between points of lights like a gigantic electrical schematic, etc.
Finally, sometime after 1 AM, I was awake and thought I heard moment on the hardwood floors. I slid the revolver out of it's holster and I looked through the house before putting it back and going pee. Sounds again, this time I could hear them right above the bathroom, which means it was probably opossums on the roof or something like that. Too bad I live in the city, or else I could go out and shoot the bastards down.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I did it!
I decided after much mother Funk loving-ness that I was going to lay down and fall asleep and take a nap.
With my earlier posts, I failed to mention that Ellie was out of town and our two little angels slept with me last night.
Well, the two of them can take on a twin size bed to it's full capacity and then some. Now if you can imagine that, they took over almost the entire queen bed last night, and I'm struggling to have enough space just to roll over.
In summary, I didn't sleep well.
So, I took a Xanax, as they usually make me sleepy and crawled in bed.
Next thing I realize, after all sorts of funky dreams, is that my phone is ringing and so it must be after 1:30. I'm late getting the kids from school!
So, I got dressed again, went to go pee, and had the door smack me in the butt because the kids just got home.
Whew! Thank goodness the kids know how to walk home in safety.
Now as to who was calling, it was my uncle. Why? I don't have any sort of appointment to take him to until Friday.
Several days ago, he called me at 10:30 PM, a bit after I fell asleep of course, and told me that he was going to stay in the "hotel" tonight, to which I answered "Ok".
He wasn't at a Hotel, he was at his assisted living facility. Damn old fogey forgot where he was living... Again.
With my earlier posts, I failed to mention that Ellie was out of town and our two little angels slept with me last night.
Well, the two of them can take on a twin size bed to it's full capacity and then some. Now if you can imagine that, they took over almost the entire queen bed last night, and I'm struggling to have enough space just to roll over.
In summary, I didn't sleep well.
So, I took a Xanax, as they usually make me sleepy and crawled in bed.
Next thing I realize, after all sorts of funky dreams, is that my phone is ringing and so it must be after 1:30. I'm late getting the kids from school!
So, I got dressed again, went to go pee, and had the door smack me in the butt because the kids just got home.
Whew! Thank goodness the kids know how to walk home in safety.
Now as to who was calling, it was my uncle. Why? I don't have any sort of appointment to take him to until Friday.
Several days ago, he called me at 10:30 PM, a bit after I fell asleep of course, and told me that he was going to stay in the "hotel" tonight, to which I answered "Ok".
He wasn't at a Hotel, he was at his assisted living facility. Damn old fogey forgot where he was living... Again.
Crickey... What a funk...
That's it...
I'm in officially in some sort of a funk that I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to work, I want to do something, but I cannot find anything to do and cannot find a way so that I can work.
Ever been in some really thick mud or slogged your way through a marsh?
That's the way I feel, but without the desire to get out of the mud & marsh.
I don't feel depressed... I suppose I just don't feel at all.
What I suppose is that I'm coming down from the quick acting pain meds, and I might need a fix that I'm not giving myself... So far.
Over the weekend I sharpened my pocket knife so that it can slice paper pretty easily.
Just ran it several times across my left forearm.
It stings a bit, but it's not too painful.
I guess it helps me to feel that I'm still alive.
Ellie will probably flip out if she starts to see a pattern of cuts/slice marks in my left arm.
Normally she wouldn't care because she knows I get scratched up playing with the cats & from various wood working projects I get into my head to work on.
What I really want to do is to get my shop straightened back out again, all the tools put away, all the various projects "finished" for once and all.
Now those fuckin' slice/scratches on my arm are really starting to sting.
I also chowed down a handful or two of dark chocolate M&Ms. They seem to give me a mood boost once and a while.
I'm in officially in some sort of a funk that I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to work, I want to do something, but I cannot find anything to do and cannot find a way so that I can work.
Ever been in some really thick mud or slogged your way through a marsh?
That's the way I feel, but without the desire to get out of the mud & marsh.
I don't feel depressed... I suppose I just don't feel at all.
What I suppose is that I'm coming down from the quick acting pain meds, and I might need a fix that I'm not giving myself... So far.
Over the weekend I sharpened my pocket knife so that it can slice paper pretty easily.
Just ran it several times across my left forearm.
It stings a bit, but it's not too painful.
I guess it helps me to feel that I'm still alive.
Ellie will probably flip out if she starts to see a pattern of cuts/slice marks in my left arm.
Normally she wouldn't care because she knows I get scratched up playing with the cats & from various wood working projects I get into my head to work on.
What I really want to do is to get my shop straightened back out again, all the tools put away, all the various projects "finished" for once and all.
Now those fuckin' slice/scratches on my arm are really starting to sting.
I also chowed down a handful or two of dark chocolate M&Ms. They seem to give me a mood boost once and a while.
Yeah, I have tomorrow off... crap, the kids get out of school early today...
It's not that I don't love my little girls, but I do have to work... Sometime.
Hard to work for someone, when you're working from home and you're trying to handle their school & activities.
Generally Ellie drops & picks up the girls from school as she works part day at their school anyway.
Right now she's away and tomorrow I'm driving the kids to a local casino/hotel for a presentation they're doing for their girls club.
If I was a truly, gambling person, or if I get like yesterday where I have a REALLY hard time not buying things, then I might have problems being around a Casino.
Granted, if I sit down at a blackjack table with $100 or so that I can spend, then I could probably leave with over $1000.
Gambling and getting into a pattern of betting right just happen to flow in my blood... Why is that? If I knew, I'd find a way to put it into a bottle and sell it!
I'm having that hard time of getting rolling today.
I am awake, alert, and ready to work, but trying to get the right neurons connected is a problem.
Perhaps, I'll fatten my ass some more and get some Ice Cream!. (Can I get a w00t! for Ice Cream!?)
That's all I have to say about that.
Hard to work for someone, when you're working from home and you're trying to handle their school & activities.
Generally Ellie drops & picks up the girls from school as she works part day at their school anyway.
Right now she's away and tomorrow I'm driving the kids to a local casino/hotel for a presentation they're doing for their girls club.
If I was a truly, gambling person, or if I get like yesterday where I have a REALLY hard time not buying things, then I might have problems being around a Casino.
Granted, if I sit down at a blackjack table with $100 or so that I can spend, then I could probably leave with over $1000.
Gambling and getting into a pattern of betting right just happen to flow in my blood... Why is that? If I knew, I'd find a way to put it into a bottle and sell it!
I'm having that hard time of getting rolling today.
I am awake, alert, and ready to work, but trying to get the right neurons connected is a problem.
Perhaps, I'll fatten my ass some more and get some Ice Cream!. (Can I get a w00t! for Ice Cream!?)
That's all I have to say about that.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I feel a bit FUBAYR
Now if you have to ask what FUBAR means either you don't follow this blog or your ignorant of its meaning so go look it up!
I feel like I'm going into a manic phase. Today at Walmart I had a hard time holding back on buying things that I didn't need. I did buy a dip pen set that I thought about using for drawing/art work. I remember doing work with ink and pens in school folowdd up with water color.
My elder daughter is feeling like hell and I wonder if she's ill with something. I know she gets bad headaches and during tap class, just now, she stopped dancing because she was seeing black spots... not fucking good at all.
I never expected to blog from the dance studio, but I'm glad I took time to connect to their wireless with the kindle...
I feel like I'm going into a manic phase. Today at Walmart I had a hard time holding back on buying things that I didn't need. I did buy a dip pen set that I thought about using for drawing/art work. I remember doing work with ink and pens in school folowdd up with water color.
My elder daughter is feeling like hell and I wonder if she's ill with something. I know she gets bad headaches and during tap class, just now, she stopped dancing because she was seeing black spots... not fucking good at all.
I never expected to blog from the dance studio, but I'm glad I took time to connect to their wireless with the kindle...
Man.. why am I nauseated?
I feel like I've had a Scooby Snack one to many today.
I think it's from the allergies that I have right now.
They're not that bad, the allergies I mean, but I do have crap draining down the back of my throat right now, and I can probably compete with a llama or camel in a spitting contest... or some of the chaw chewing backwoods folks around here.
ack.
I'm going to stop for the day and go watch the girls in their water polo practice today, then ensure that they get their homework done before tap class & then go sit in a hot ass elementary school gym for a "concert" tonight.
Really, I'm half tempted to have my daughter skip it and we go out to dinner instead. but ... Oh hell...
Perhaps it's good Ellie doesn't read my blog. It's not like I haven't left her a clue that I do this... heck there's even a shortcut to it in her browser...
Well, I'm done, I'm done... that and I'm tired as hell.
I think it's from the allergies that I have right now.
They're not that bad, the allergies I mean, but I do have crap draining down the back of my throat right now, and I can probably compete with a llama or camel in a spitting contest... or some of the chaw chewing backwoods folks around here.
ack.
I'm going to stop for the day and go watch the girls in their water polo practice today, then ensure that they get their homework done before tap class & then go sit in a hot ass elementary school gym for a "concert" tonight.
Really, I'm half tempted to have my daughter skip it and we go out to dinner instead. but ... Oh hell...
Perhaps it's good Ellie doesn't read my blog. It's not like I haven't left her a clue that I do this... heck there's even a shortcut to it in her browser...
Well, I'm done, I'm done... that and I'm tired as hell.
They're here, and I'm excited. Not as excited as the girls will be.
The Kindles & their cases arrived in the same mail drop off today.
The cases had to travel from Hong Kong, and I got some cool stamps that I think I'll steam off so that I can put them into a scrap book or something.
I did install the same update on their kindles that I have, and I put a bunch of books that they loved reading on my kindle onto theirs.
So the kindles have each of the kid's names on the OS, and then we'll have to figure out some sort of logo/naming to be stamped on the front of the cover so that we know who's kindle is who's.
I just remember that I need to lock them out of various options so that way I can "protect" them as much as possible.
Although, I'm certain they can do lots on it once they start to poke at them long enough.
Kids are generally very curious which makes them excellent puzzle solvers. At least mine are.
Well, I need to get back to work... I'm tying together 10 different reports or so into a single entity so that customers & technical support can use this as a way to keep customers from calling in or self fixing their systems.
The cases had to travel from Hong Kong, and I got some cool stamps that I think I'll steam off so that I can put them into a scrap book or something.
I did install the same update on their kindles that I have, and I put a bunch of books that they loved reading on my kindle onto theirs.
So the kindles have each of the kid's names on the OS, and then we'll have to figure out some sort of logo/naming to be stamped on the front of the cover so that we know who's kindle is who's.
I just remember that I need to lock them out of various options so that way I can "protect" them as much as possible.
Although, I'm certain they can do lots on it once they start to poke at them long enough.
Kids are generally very curious which makes them excellent puzzle solvers. At least mine are.
Well, I need to get back to work... I'm tying together 10 different reports or so into a single entity so that customers & technical support can use this as a way to keep customers from calling in or self fixing their systems.
Well that's one way to put the "Fear of God" into 'em.
I just read where some woman was arrested for using her fists & Bible to beat up on another woman.
I guess if it was a Torah instead of a Bible, the damage could've been worse. Hell even the Koran (isn't it traditionally on a scroll like the Torah?). That would be the fear of Allah instead of God, right? Or.. I don't know.. I don't really want to disrespect the Islam people, but it's curious to think about though.. Using a book of scripture to beat someone.
I dunno, it's just amazing how funny real life is, that I don't have to go looking for jokes to make me smile and laugh.
Maybe it's not "funny" but rather really freakin' stupid.
Today, I'm just not really in a "great" mood.
Just really, really blah.
Like I'm awake, but I'm still waiting to wake up the rest of the way.
Or I'm waiting for the show to start at a movie theater and all I'm getting is more and more previews & commercials about the latest car that I cannot buy.
On another note about the beating... Supposing that this chick was in Bakersfield, there would've been like 9 of them going off on a single person with a Bible.. Ok, bad joke, for those of you who saw the news of the guy getting beat to death by 9 or so police/sheriff officers, when the dude was pleading for his life.
Well, that's all I have in my head right now folks, and what else I do have in my head, you don't wanna see.
I guess if it was a Torah instead of a Bible, the damage could've been worse. Hell even the Koran (isn't it traditionally on a scroll like the Torah?). That would be the fear of Allah instead of God, right? Or.. I don't know.. I don't really want to disrespect the Islam people, but it's curious to think about though.. Using a book of scripture to beat someone.
I dunno, it's just amazing how funny real life is, that I don't have to go looking for jokes to make me smile and laugh.
Maybe it's not "funny" but rather really freakin' stupid.
Today, I'm just not really in a "great" mood.
Just really, really blah.
Like I'm awake, but I'm still waiting to wake up the rest of the way.
Or I'm waiting for the show to start at a movie theater and all I'm getting is more and more previews & commercials about the latest car that I cannot buy.
On another note about the beating... Supposing that this chick was in Bakersfield, there would've been like 9 of them going off on a single person with a Bible.. Ok, bad joke, for those of you who saw the news of the guy getting beat to death by 9 or so police/sheriff officers, when the dude was pleading for his life.
Well, that's all I have in my head right now folks, and what else I do have in my head, you don't wanna see.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Kids are home not feeling well today...
So my wife decided to let the kids stay home because they weren't feeling 100%.
I can't say for certain if they're really ailing from anything, but they are not to turn on any TV at all.
So, they're reading away, which is good.
All of their "activities" today were also cancelled. Jazz Dance, Swim Team, etc.
So, they get to stay inside all day... I'm not even going to take them with me to the pharmacy when I go there to drop off a prescription so that I can get it filled today. (I hope... It's a class 2 pharmaceutical drug and where I live, they're tracked heavily, and the black market could earn me a month's salary from my little bottle)
I wouldn't sell my drugs to anyone, much less share with anyone, as I don't want any jail time, nor do I want to become a target of some druggie, who wants to steal it from me.
My wife is already paranoid enough that she didn't want the windows left open over night to keep the house cool. All because of some dumb shit heads who busted into people's homes to do bad things.
There are far many people who aren't doing that type of stuff that they out number all the people who are. (If that makes sense...)
Ok, to sum it up better is this...
Getting back to the kids, they're also supposed to do the laundry today too. Use the washer & dryer. Hard work, eh? I bet they'll bust a sweat when I tell them to fold the laundry up too.
Having the kids home affects me some, but not too much. It limits some of the music that I like to listen to, as I won't want play some of the music that has swear words in it.
Shocking compared to the language that I use here at times?
Well, I manage to barely swear around my children at all, which is very hard sometimes.
I know that they know most cuss words by now, but I don't necessarily want it to be part of their day to day vocabulary like I used when I was there age.
Heck, by 2nd grade, I was able to swear almost as good as the old whino's who used to hang out around the bars a few blocks from our house.
Not something to be proud of.
I can't say for certain if they're really ailing from anything, but they are not to turn on any TV at all.
So, they're reading away, which is good.
All of their "activities" today were also cancelled. Jazz Dance, Swim Team, etc.
So, they get to stay inside all day... I'm not even going to take them with me to the pharmacy when I go there to drop off a prescription so that I can get it filled today. (I hope... It's a class 2 pharmaceutical drug and where I live, they're tracked heavily, and the black market could earn me a month's salary from my little bottle)
I wouldn't sell my drugs to anyone, much less share with anyone, as I don't want any jail time, nor do I want to become a target of some druggie, who wants to steal it from me.
My wife is already paranoid enough that she didn't want the windows left open over night to keep the house cool. All because of some dumb shit heads who busted into people's homes to do bad things.
There are far many people who aren't doing that type of stuff that they out number all the people who are. (If that makes sense...)
Ok, to sum it up better is this...
More people are doing the right thing, than there are people doing the wrong thing.The trouble is that a single bad person can cause more problems than a single good person can keep track of, unless of course, the good person was some sort of super hero.
Getting back to the kids, they're also supposed to do the laundry today too. Use the washer & dryer. Hard work, eh? I bet they'll bust a sweat when I tell them to fold the laundry up too.
Having the kids home affects me some, but not too much. It limits some of the music that I like to listen to, as I won't want play some of the music that has swear words in it.
Shocking compared to the language that I use here at times?
Well, I manage to barely swear around my children at all, which is very hard sometimes.
I know that they know most cuss words by now, but I don't necessarily want it to be part of their day to day vocabulary like I used when I was there age.
Heck, by 2nd grade, I was able to swear almost as good as the old whino's who used to hang out around the bars a few blocks from our house.
Not something to be proud of.
Gooood Morning Vietnaaaam!
Ok, so I'm not in Vietnam, but the phrase/scene of Robin Williams calling out "Goood Morning Vietaaam" will always accompany me.
Shit.. that just brought on a flash back of the time(s) that I was watching that show, like some sort of fucked up PTSD.
Fuck, I don't know why it is that my mind is just randomly pulling shit out of memory like this still.
Kind of hard to live for the moment/present when you're always recalling shit that you haven't been around for more than 20 years.
I never did serve in the Military, but I did serve the Military through my work on a contract through my employer.
Not that I'm saying that everyone involved with the military is fucked up, although, those who've served battle tours can undergo some pretty terrible stress.
I've met many of the guys who've served combat duty and most of them have a good grip of life outside of the the combat zone.
Some though... They struggle because of what they've done/seen.
Shit, I don't think I've done/seen anything terrible in my past, but my mind keeps recalling these damn memories & dreams like they're scenes in a movie that I'm watching of my life.
I wonder how many others go through this type of shit?
Probably more than I really want to know.
Well, things are going to be fun today. I'm feeling better than half way alert & happy today.
Just need to keep plugging away until I get fully operational/woken up.
Seems like these days that I'm firing on all eight cylinders (Yes, Eight, I don't want to be a puny four banger) after 10:00 AM or so.
With that, sit tight, put your tray tables back in their upright position, put your head between you legs, and Kiss your bums goodbye!
Shit.. that just brought on a flash back of the time(s) that I was watching that show, like some sort of fucked up PTSD.
Fuck, I don't know why it is that my mind is just randomly pulling shit out of memory like this still.
Kind of hard to live for the moment/present when you're always recalling shit that you haven't been around for more than 20 years.
I never did serve in the Military, but I did serve the Military through my work on a contract through my employer.
Not that I'm saying that everyone involved with the military is fucked up, although, those who've served battle tours can undergo some pretty terrible stress.
I've met many of the guys who've served combat duty and most of them have a good grip of life outside of the the combat zone.
Some though... They struggle because of what they've done/seen.
Shit, I don't think I've done/seen anything terrible in my past, but my mind keeps recalling these damn memories & dreams like they're scenes in a movie that I'm watching of my life.
I wonder how many others go through this type of shit?
Probably more than I really want to know.
Well, things are going to be fun today. I'm feeling better than half way alert & happy today.
Just need to keep plugging away until I get fully operational/woken up.
Seems like these days that I'm firing on all eight cylinders (Yes, Eight, I don't want to be a puny four banger) after 10:00 AM or so.
With that, sit tight, put your tray tables back in their upright position, put your head between you legs, and Kiss your bums goodbye!
It's no wonder why it's called "stool"
Feels like I just crapped out a leg or two of one...
Need to get some fiber or laxatives..
Holy moley.
It's been a.pretty good day so far.
Been fighting a background headache most of the day. Darn thing is probably a withdrawal headache from not hardly using my old pain med.
I've survived worse pain, but this one is not going away.
I've felt a little on the emotional edge today but have been able to hold on.
One thing that's bugging me is that I keep having flashbacks of things I've done or dreamed... Why is that?
Why now?
What purpose does this serve me???
I'm not talking about remembering something... This has been more like a full "virtual" experience... I can recall full scenes like hitting replay on a home movie. I feel the terror or pain or joy of what had happened of experienced in a dream.
I don't have any control over what I experience.. It just happens and I'm not always certain how much time that I get "stuck" in one.
An example would be while just watching a movie tonight, a small scene was on the screen of a house that looked like something I dreamed of years ago. The whole dream resurfaced...
It's not that flashbacks of life/dreams is alarming, but it's the frequency that it happens. It's happening a lot more these days.
Need to get some fiber or laxatives..
Holy moley.
It's been a.pretty good day so far.
Been fighting a background headache most of the day. Darn thing is probably a withdrawal headache from not hardly using my old pain med.
I've survived worse pain, but this one is not going away.
I've felt a little on the emotional edge today but have been able to hold on.
One thing that's bugging me is that I keep having flashbacks of things I've done or dreamed... Why is that?
Why now?
What purpose does this serve me???
I'm not talking about remembering something... This has been more like a full "virtual" experience... I can recall full scenes like hitting replay on a home movie. I feel the terror or pain or joy of what had happened of experienced in a dream.
I don't have any control over what I experience.. It just happens and I'm not always certain how much time that I get "stuck" in one.
An example would be while just watching a movie tonight, a small scene was on the screen of a house that looked like something I dreamed of years ago. The whole dream resurfaced...
It's not that flashbacks of life/dreams is alarming, but it's the frequency that it happens. It's happening a lot more these days.
Friday, May 10, 2013
I should've had a V---... That stuff's gross!
Well, it hit me several hours into what I've been working on that I should've built another small app to debug my string parsing problems.
Instead of building the entire freakin' project & DLL's etc. Then copying that file out to a server in the UK that has the info/hardware on it that I need to work on.
Damn, what a shit head/stupid move that's been for me.
Just goes to show you that not ALL developers are freaking geniuses.
Instead of building the entire freakin' project & DLL's etc. Then copying that file out to a server in the UK that has the info/hardware on it that I need to work on.
Damn, what a shit head/stupid move that's been for me.
Just goes to show you that not ALL developers are freaking geniuses.
Can't wait for dinner time.
My wife pulled out some chicken for dinner tonight.
Well, I looked through our stash of marinades & what not and found some "Fiesta Chicken" marinade, which sounded good.
So, I mixed up the marinade and put the chicken in to "soak".
Then when it hits dinner time, I'll fire up the old CharBroil BBQ/Grill/Smoker and cook it.
Once I brown / "give the meat some color", I move it off the direct heat, and then start tossing in chunks of apple wood, which really, really gives the meat a great flavor in addition to any of the rubs or marinades that I use.
I like it and family & friends seem to love my BBQ cooking.
Previously I used to mix up a concoction of BBQ sauce, but nothing really turned out that tasty until I got this grill and started cooking as I mentioned above.
Now everything is almost perfect.
In fact, I'm so "spoiled" that I've become a "steak snob". I don't like to eat steaks anywhere but Applebee's... Then again, they use apple wood!
Mmm... mmm...
Anyone got a tissue? Just saying "apple wood bbq" made me start to drool...
Well, I looked through our stash of marinades & what not and found some "Fiesta Chicken" marinade, which sounded good.
So, I mixed up the marinade and put the chicken in to "soak".
Then when it hits dinner time, I'll fire up the old CharBroil BBQ/Grill/Smoker and cook it.
Once I brown / "give the meat some color", I move it off the direct heat, and then start tossing in chunks of apple wood, which really, really gives the meat a great flavor in addition to any of the rubs or marinades that I use.
I like it and family & friends seem to love my BBQ cooking.
Previously I used to mix up a concoction of BBQ sauce, but nothing really turned out that tasty until I got this grill and started cooking as I mentioned above.
Now everything is almost perfect.
In fact, I'm so "spoiled" that I've become a "steak snob". I don't like to eat steaks anywhere but Applebee's... Then again, they use apple wood!
Mmm... mmm...
Anyone got a tissue? Just saying "apple wood bbq" made me start to drool...
I'm up and out of the depression that I had this morning
I finally bit the freakin' bullet, and took some of the faster acting pain pills that I had.
It gave me a buzz, but I also stopped trying to force myself to work, and looked for some Banjo music that I wanted to play that was in the Bluegrass style I learned how to play.
What I really wanted to do was play Steve Martin's "Daddy Played the Banjo" or "Late for School" but those are tabbed out as "Claw Hammer" or "Frailing"...
It's not a hard method to understand, but hard for me to implement.
I want to play the songs, so eventually I will wind up playing Claw Hammer sooner or later.
What I have at the end of my adventure for music, is quite a stack of printed tablature on my home printer.
I didn't use my home system for anything more than a print server, as I setup Bluetooth printing from my work computer to my home computer so that I can print anything from the work computer without having to transfer it over or "look it up" twice.
It's pretty freakin' slick.
If I was in the office, I would just wheeze on the company's printer & paper.
Well, I'm in the mood now for working and I feel "Sane" again. W00t!
It gave me a buzz, but I also stopped trying to force myself to work, and looked for some Banjo music that I wanted to play that was in the Bluegrass style I learned how to play.
What I really wanted to do was play Steve Martin's "Daddy Played the Banjo" or "Late for School" but those are tabbed out as "Claw Hammer" or "Frailing"...
It's not a hard method to understand, but hard for me to implement.
I want to play the songs, so eventually I will wind up playing Claw Hammer sooner or later.
What I have at the end of my adventure for music, is quite a stack of printed tablature on my home printer.
I didn't use my home system for anything more than a print server, as I setup Bluetooth printing from my work computer to my home computer so that I can print anything from the work computer without having to transfer it over or "look it up" twice.
It's pretty freakin' slick.
If I was in the office, I would just wheeze on the company's printer & paper.
Well, I'm in the mood now for working and I feel "Sane" again. W00t!
Ever just feel crazy and that you just want to let yourself sink into it?
Honestly, there are times that I feel insane, and I want to just let my conscience sink down into the insanity further instead of keeping it just below the surface.
Do you think of this as insanity or ???
I grew up in the big cities of L.A. county in California.
Usually I don't miss the big cities, but right now I wonder how well I'd fit back in if I were to hitch hike my way back down there or drive my car all day & night back there?
I don't want to really go there as I love everything here.
Besides, I don't know that many people down there anymore.
Most of my friends scattered to the freakin' wind anyway.
I'm alone in my thoughts most of the time, and I know that I need to get/let someone in sometime, but right now... Fuck it.
Do you think of this as insanity or ???
I grew up in the big cities of L.A. county in California.
Usually I don't miss the big cities, but right now I wonder how well I'd fit back in if I were to hitch hike my way back down there or drive my car all day & night back there?
I don't want to really go there as I love everything here.
Besides, I don't know that many people down there anymore.
Most of my friends scattered to the freakin' wind anyway.
I'm alone in my thoughts most of the time, and I know that I need to get/let someone in sometime, but right now... Fuck it.
I just don't fuckin' feel like it today.
I just don't feel like going into the office today.
Sure, I know, I know, that I said I was going to work from the office today, but I just don't feel like it now.
Part of that was I fell asleep well before 8:00 last night, which meant that I forgot to take my Zyprexa & long acting pain med.
SO when I woke up around 1:30 AM because the dogs were barking inside of the house (normally doesn't happen.), I took my Zyprexa and thought taking the pain med so late wasn't going to help.
Well, I should've taken the pain med...I stayed awake for the next half hour or more, thinking that I might just get up, exercise with the Wii, then shower & start work.
But then again, I didn't want to stop work so early as I have a meeting/call with my boss today.
Then I finally woke up got going around 6:00 AM.
Ellie had opened the window a bit more and turned on my fan to cool off the upstairs. This made my office cold this morning and I am still trying to feel "warm".
I know, I complain about being hot all the time, and now I want it warm.
Hell if I know what's up.
I do know I need to lose weight.
Yesterday/last night I was a pig. I had more ice cream than I usually would have in a day, plus I ate most of a tub of frosting with some graham crackers.
Fuck...
Oh well, if I can get working soon, perhaps I'll take the Sheltie out for a walk. He's a good dog, and loves to go out on walks.
The other dog can just go to hell as she doesn't obey me one bit. Right now, she's hiding and not doing what anyone is asking her to do.
Is she then a pet or just some little four legged shit-head teenager?
I dunno...
I figure that I swore enough and ranted enough for now... Perhaps I'll feel better later on and write some comforting words for anyone who reads... Which right now I cannot tell who that is...
Sure, I know, I know, that I said I was going to work from the office today, but I just don't feel like it now.
Part of that was I fell asleep well before 8:00 last night, which meant that I forgot to take my Zyprexa & long acting pain med.
SO when I woke up around 1:30 AM because the dogs were barking inside of the house (normally doesn't happen.), I took my Zyprexa and thought taking the pain med so late wasn't going to help.
Well, I should've taken the pain med...I stayed awake for the next half hour or more, thinking that I might just get up, exercise with the Wii, then shower & start work.
But then again, I didn't want to stop work so early as I have a meeting/call with my boss today.
Then I finally woke up got going around 6:00 AM.
Ellie had opened the window a bit more and turned on my fan to cool off the upstairs. This made my office cold this morning and I am still trying to feel "warm".
I know, I complain about being hot all the time, and now I want it warm.
Hell if I know what's up.
I do know I need to lose weight.
Yesterday/last night I was a pig. I had more ice cream than I usually would have in a day, plus I ate most of a tub of frosting with some graham crackers.
Fuck...
Oh well, if I can get working soon, perhaps I'll take the Sheltie out for a walk. He's a good dog, and loves to go out on walks.
The other dog can just go to hell as she doesn't obey me one bit. Right now, she's hiding and not doing what anyone is asking her to do.
Is she then a pet or just some little four legged shit-head teenager?
I dunno...
I figure that I swore enough and ranted enough for now... Perhaps I'll feel better later on and write some comforting words for anyone who reads... Which right now I cannot tell who that is...
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Just when I thought I was done with one mania, another one comes up...
Today I drove my uncle in for his Chemo appointment.
On the way home, we stopped by Wood Crafters so that he could return a clock mechanism, and I looked for some 1/4" birch plywood and I bought a couple of 14"x14" pieces.
Now I can make some bigger and nicer boomerangs.
The problem now is that when I got home, I saw several people had posted videos to YouTube for pipe shot guns, which are relatively easy to make and a rocket stove.
I don't know if I'll build a shot gun, but a Rocket Stove is more towards my line of thinking.
They're pretty easy design and I have a welder that I could use for putting it together... I just don't have a torch to cut the materials. I do have a Saws-all, which should work pretty well too.
Now the problem is to get the materials.
What this is leading up to is a new barbeque/smoker design as what I have I love, but it's a pain to clean out the ashes.
When the ashes get built up too high, then the air flow is blocked and cooking takes longer.
So what I have works similar to a rocket stove and it probably uses a comparable amount of fuel how I use this grill.
Well, I need to get back to work...
On the way home, we stopped by Wood Crafters so that he could return a clock mechanism, and I looked for some 1/4" birch plywood and I bought a couple of 14"x14" pieces.
Now I can make some bigger and nicer boomerangs.
The problem now is that when I got home, I saw several people had posted videos to YouTube for pipe shot guns, which are relatively easy to make and a rocket stove.
I don't know if I'll build a shot gun, but a Rocket Stove is more towards my line of thinking.
They're pretty easy design and I have a welder that I could use for putting it together... I just don't have a torch to cut the materials. I do have a Saws-all, which should work pretty well too.
Now the problem is to get the materials.
What this is leading up to is a new barbeque/smoker design as what I have I love, but it's a pain to clean out the ashes.
When the ashes get built up too high, then the air flow is blocked and cooking takes longer.
So what I have works similar to a rocket stove and it probably uses a comparable amount of fuel how I use this grill.
Well, I need to get back to work...
Here I am... rock you like... hell with it.
I don't really feel like singing today.
Feeling a bit more alive with only 2.5 mg of Zyprexa, than using 5 mg of it.
I saw the family doctor yesterday about my pain meds, and he gave me an updated Rx for my long last pain med, to take it three times a day instead of two, so that way I don't take as much of my older pain med. I think he's trying to take me off of that drug... I've only used it for 10 years now.
My body is pretty used to the other pain drug, so much so that I function just like the average Joe when I take it. In fact, I think that I do better with it in my system when it comes to various tasks.
After the appointment, I stopped by the work office to pick up my track ball & laptop power supply. Not that I needed the power supply at home, as I have a docking station here. The trackball though, that I missed dearly.
With the 2.5 mg of Zyprexa I wake up feeling like I can get things done. In fact, I feel like working from the office Friday(Tomorrow).
Hey, why not... OK, they have donuts for me on Friday... And dammit,I miss my Friday donuts. I'll miss the ice cream, but I'm sure my fat ass won't miss it.
Speaking of fat, my weight yesterday on the doctor scale was 314 lbs. Wow, I gotta start walking more and stop eating so much junk food.
Perhaps I'll even start working out on the Wii again like I did many years ago when I was almost 260.
260 is pretty heavy still, but it's much, much better than 314.
I blame water weight, which I do carry quite a bit of, for most of my weight. So if I sweat while walking/exercising it won't kill me, it'll help me lose weight.
Recently, I found that I don't stay awake like I used to last year, I tend to get tired and fall asleep around 9-10 every night, which is good. I am starting to get up around 6:00 every morning, which is even better. I'm starting to get a pattern again, and into this pattern I can start to merge in specific behaviors like exercise & daily showers again.
Perhaps as we move more into summer I'll keep this going.
Feeling a bit more alive with only 2.5 mg of Zyprexa, than using 5 mg of it.
I saw the family doctor yesterday about my pain meds, and he gave me an updated Rx for my long last pain med, to take it three times a day instead of two, so that way I don't take as much of my older pain med. I think he's trying to take me off of that drug... I've only used it for 10 years now.
My body is pretty used to the other pain drug, so much so that I function just like the average Joe when I take it. In fact, I think that I do better with it in my system when it comes to various tasks.
After the appointment, I stopped by the work office to pick up my track ball & laptop power supply. Not that I needed the power supply at home, as I have a docking station here. The trackball though, that I missed dearly.
With the 2.5 mg of Zyprexa I wake up feeling like I can get things done. In fact, I feel like working from the office Friday(Tomorrow).
Hey, why not... OK, they have donuts for me on Friday... And dammit,I miss my Friday donuts. I'll miss the ice cream, but I'm sure my fat ass won't miss it.
Speaking of fat, my weight yesterday on the doctor scale was 314 lbs. Wow, I gotta start walking more and stop eating so much junk food.
Perhaps I'll even start working out on the Wii again like I did many years ago when I was almost 260.
260 is pretty heavy still, but it's much, much better than 314.
I blame water weight, which I do carry quite a bit of, for most of my weight. So if I sweat while walking/exercising it won't kill me, it'll help me lose weight.
Recently, I found that I don't stay awake like I used to last year, I tend to get tired and fall asleep around 9-10 every night, which is good. I am starting to get up around 6:00 every morning, which is even better. I'm starting to get a pattern again, and into this pattern I can start to merge in specific behaviors like exercise & daily showers again.
Perhaps as we move more into summer I'll keep this going.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Today's a good day...
It took me a while, like usual, to get moving again.
Aside from the rant about the CO2 cartridge, things are actually doing well.
I mean, earlier, our youngest was wasting time getting ready for school and needed discipline, but that's it.
Last night, I took 2.5 mg of my Zyprexa and now that I'm a good way into the day, I'm starting to feel more alive again.
Perhaps I need the smaller dosage instead of the 5 mg. I took the 5 mg because I thought it would help me more... It might help me not crash more, but it was stifling my normal crazy creative behavior.
Like many bipolar people, I think I like the moods that are up, and I feel like I can just connected various coding points into a single entity for my job.
Hell as a coder, I definitely feel like Neo from The Matrix... I can often see all the source code of what I'm working on and I can write perfect code from point to point without any excessive debugging... I mean, writing it so that it runs correctly the first time through without problems.
For me, it's often not IGOG. (Input Garbage Output Garbage)
It's really nice to see things in your mind from input to output and know that it's all connected correctly the first time.
If my current mood & mode are due to bipolar this will last me all day and not like an instant mood boost from stuff like caffeine...
Aside from the rant about the CO2 cartridge, things are actually doing well.
I mean, earlier, our youngest was wasting time getting ready for school and needed discipline, but that's it.
Last night, I took 2.5 mg of my Zyprexa and now that I'm a good way into the day, I'm starting to feel more alive again.
Perhaps I need the smaller dosage instead of the 5 mg. I took the 5 mg because I thought it would help me more... It might help me not crash more, but it was stifling my normal crazy creative behavior.
Like many bipolar people, I think I like the moods that are up, and I feel like I can just connected various coding points into a single entity for my job.
Hell as a coder, I definitely feel like Neo from The Matrix... I can often see all the source code of what I'm working on and I can write perfect code from point to point without any excessive debugging... I mean, writing it so that it runs correctly the first time through without problems.
For me, it's often not IGOG. (Input Garbage Output Garbage)
It's really nice to see things in your mind from input to output and know that it's all connected correctly the first time.
If my current mood & mode are due to bipolar this will last me all day and not like an instant mood boost from stuff like caffeine...
CO2 cartridge banger now an IED?
I'm certain that someone is going to leave a comment to this one... Or perhaps Google won't index this post...
What I'm actually referring to is the taking of an empty/spent CO2 cartridge that is used for BB/Paintball guns or for a variety of things, and filling it with match heads (very dangerous, never do this unless you want a chance for it to go off in your hands), gun powder... Then adding a fuse, and lighting it and throwing/running away from it.
There's actually more to the way that I used to build them, that I'm not going to post, because I'm certain there other places where you can get more detailed info.
Many, many moons ago, I used to make things like this when I lived in an area that the next house was about a mile away.
It's a dangerous "banger", but it's not going to destroy a vehicle or meant to destroy a vehicle or lots of people, usually.
It is very dangerous for anything that within say 20 feet or so, then only thrown shrapnel damage is of concern.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to teach my children how to make them, nor will I condone anyone using them for crimes or property destruction.
Classifying these as an "IED" as per the definition the public knows from the news, is not right.
I'd say that they found an explosive device, but I doubt the kid was going to use it an actual "IED" in the sense of the word.
To me the term "IED" is a pipe bomb to the Nth degree. In other words, they're designed to damage mass amounts of things around it. This thing, if used in a destructive way, could do some serious damage, but I doubt this kid was going to use it in that manner.
What this kid essentially built is a large fire cracker with a dangerous shell casing. He could've built the same thing with reinforced cardboard tubing.
I bet that this kid will get harsh penalties and used as an example.
To some extent, the way that society has turned away from letting people learn things on their own, is stifling creativity.
What I'm actually referring to is the taking of an empty/spent CO2 cartridge that is used for BB/Paintball guns or for a variety of things, and filling it with match heads (very dangerous, never do this unless you want a chance for it to go off in your hands), gun powder... Then adding a fuse, and lighting it and throwing/running away from it.
There's actually more to the way that I used to build them, that I'm not going to post, because I'm certain there other places where you can get more detailed info.
Many, many moons ago, I used to make things like this when I lived in an area that the next house was about a mile away.
It's a dangerous "banger", but it's not going to destroy a vehicle or meant to destroy a vehicle or lots of people, usually.
It is very dangerous for anything that within say 20 feet or so, then only thrown shrapnel damage is of concern.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to teach my children how to make them, nor will I condone anyone using them for crimes or property destruction.
Classifying these as an "IED" as per the definition the public knows from the news, is not right.
I'd say that they found an explosive device, but I doubt the kid was going to use it an actual "IED" in the sense of the word.
To me the term "IED" is a pipe bomb to the Nth degree. In other words, they're designed to damage mass amounts of things around it. This thing, if used in a destructive way, could do some serious damage, but I doubt this kid was going to use it in that manner.
What this kid essentially built is a large fire cracker with a dangerous shell casing. He could've built the same thing with reinforced cardboard tubing.
I bet that this kid will get harsh penalties and used as an example.
To some extent, the way that society has turned away from letting people learn things on their own, is stifling creativity.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
OMG it sure hurts like a b.....
I think I definitely have a kidney stone...
Dammit!
It hurts really bad down the left side...
For me, it feels like a continual sucker punch in the left side of my gut, just below the rib cage.
Gets worse when I drink water... So I'll keep drinking more!
woo... ouch... hoo!
These are so fun...
I was doing all that work on the house, digging & what not...
I thought I'd stayed hydrated enough to not get a kidney stone, but alas... I'm eternally fucked to get these damn things.
Oh shit... Good thing I'm done working for the day...
Dammit!
It hurts really bad down the left side...
For me, it feels like a continual sucker punch in the left side of my gut, just below the rib cage.
Gets worse when I drink water... So I'll keep drinking more!
woo... ouch... hoo!
These are so fun...
I was doing all that work on the house, digging & what not...
I thought I'd stayed hydrated enough to not get a kidney stone, but alas... I'm eternally fucked to get these damn things.
Oh shit... Good thing I'm done working for the day...
Maybe I needed more sleep?
I got up around 2:30 AM this morning.
Got dressed, went upstairs for work.
Caught up on everything. (email from work can be very tedious sometimes)
Even opened my programming projects to work on them, and then didn't do anything.
About 5:30 or so, I went downstairs, and laid next to Ellie. ("My wife")
She got up just after 6:00 AM or so, and I laid there and fell to sleep until just after 7:00 AM...
I got up here and started things up again.
Now it's time for me to take my meds and shit like that.
I'm not necessarily in a cussing mood, but "shit like that" covers a larger topic of things that I need to do around 8:00 AM.
I have a city inspector coming over to inspect the work on the water line around 10:00 AM or so...
Boss has a meeting around that time, so I'm going to get the cordless...
Shit, I hope that I can get back into the swing of things again...
Earlier this morning I was a bit down.
Got dressed, went upstairs for work.
Caught up on everything. (email from work can be very tedious sometimes)
Even opened my programming projects to work on them, and then didn't do anything.
About 5:30 or so, I went downstairs, and laid next to Ellie. ("My wife")
She got up just after 6:00 AM or so, and I laid there and fell to sleep until just after 7:00 AM...
I got up here and started things up again.
Now it's time for me to take my meds and shit like that.
I'm not necessarily in a cussing mood, but "shit like that" covers a larger topic of things that I need to do around 8:00 AM.
I have a city inspector coming over to inspect the work on the water line around 10:00 AM or so...
Boss has a meeting around that time, so I'm going to get the cordless...
Shit, I hope that I can get back into the swing of things again...
Earlier this morning I was a bit down.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Damn am I tired!!!
Well, I finally had a water main problem, which is why it's zo late for my first entry for the day...
No big geysers or spouts in the yard...
My daughter found it while mowing the lawn.
She thought that some spilled a drink out there.
So my wife and I dug for the leak and managed to get about 1/3 of the digging done before help arrived...
Thanks to the missionaries, a friend, and a person taking missionary lessons, everything is dug out!!!
Today the same friend and I finished the extra digging and new plumbing.
I'm very grateful for the friends and people at church.. or else the work would still be going on.
After the inspection tomorrow, I'll have to start filling it in.
I hope it'll be cooler.
No big geysers or spouts in the yard...
My daughter found it while mowing the lawn.
She thought that some spilled a drink out there.
So my wife and I dug for the leak and managed to get about 1/3 of the digging done before help arrived...
Thanks to the missionaries, a friend, and a person taking missionary lessons, everything is dug out!!!
Today the same friend and I finished the extra digging and new plumbing.
I'm very grateful for the friends and people at church.. or else the work would still be going on.
After the inspection tomorrow, I'll have to start filling it in.
I hope it'll be cooler.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Turns out that I'm kind of chatty with my blog today....
I know, I said earlier today that I didn't necessarily want to blog today, but here I am AGAIN.
Wow... Perhaps I like to type?
I dunno, am still on a high for getting so many things "fixed" today that I still want to quit and leave my office and go chill out reading a book or sitting outside, working on an actual tan instead of a a monitor tan.
Although, these flat screen monitors don't put out near enough radiation as the old CRT ones did.
I managed to watch & finally understand how to solve my Megaminx puzzle.
It's essentially solved like a Rubik's Cube, but I found that out when I was playing with it, not looking for help on how to solve the last layer.
The last layer solution was kicking my butt really hard, but now.. I got it figured out pretty well.
I haven't mixed it up to try it from scratch, but this is what the puzzle looks like:
For anyone who's played D&D, that's a 1d12 puzzle... :)
Kids & wife will be home from school soon, so perhaps I'll stop working because they'll be home..
I dunno. If anyone's reading my stuff still, could you possibly post a comment?
Thank You. :D
Wow... Perhaps I like to type?
I dunno, am still on a high for getting so many things "fixed" today that I still want to quit and leave my office and go chill out reading a book or sitting outside, working on an actual tan instead of a a monitor tan.
Although, these flat screen monitors don't put out near enough radiation as the old CRT ones did.
I managed to watch & finally understand how to solve my Megaminx puzzle.
It's essentially solved like a Rubik's Cube, but I found that out when I was playing with it, not looking for help on how to solve the last layer.
The last layer solution was kicking my butt really hard, but now.. I got it figured out pretty well.
I haven't mixed it up to try it from scratch, but this is what the puzzle looks like:
For anyone who's played D&D, that's a 1d12 puzzle... :)
Kids & wife will be home from school soon, so perhaps I'll stop working because they'll be home..
I dunno. If anyone's reading my stuff still, could you possibly post a comment?
Thank You. :D
I did it!
I feel a bit like Hiro Nakamura from Heroes, when he teleports for the first time.
I've been working and working on several items this week and I finally got them all going!
I want to stop working for the day, but I doubt the boss will approve, but hey, WTF not try?
I've been working and working on several items this week and I finally got them all going!
I want to stop working for the day, but I doubt the boss will approve, but hey, WTF not try?
Ok so I looked...
I was curious, so I took a break from work, walked across the street to see what the Lutherans were up to. (I got to remember in writing regular English, "up to" are two separate words, unlike in coding it can be upto)
Nothing worth while being sold.
It was a benefit sale for veterans & fire department.
Only thing interesting to me was a small refrigerator, which I really don't need as I'd use it to justify the purchase of soda/etc, which I really don't need either.
I need to work on cleaning my shop, but tomorrow's a long day at a small pool center as one daughter has a swim meet, then both girls play in a water polo scrimmage against the hosting pool center's team.
Aside from the discomfort, I enjoy watching all of the kids swimming. Especially as the ages move up from the younger kids to the teenagers.
The teenagers can really move it... You look at the speeds and you see that younger kids go as fast as they can, then the teenagers get up there and cut that time almost in half.
Some of the teenage girls along with the boys shave their head for additional speed and less drag.
Now, I'm a bit hairy, mostly my legs & arms... And I cannot picture myself shaved.... If I shaved my arms & legs, I'd probably be freezing for a long time until it grew back in.
Nothing worth while being sold.
It was a benefit sale for veterans & fire department.
Only thing interesting to me was a small refrigerator, which I really don't need as I'd use it to justify the purchase of soda/etc, which I really don't need either.
I need to work on cleaning my shop, but tomorrow's a long day at a small pool center as one daughter has a swim meet, then both girls play in a water polo scrimmage against the hosting pool center's team.
Aside from the discomfort, I enjoy watching all of the kids swimming. Especially as the ages move up from the younger kids to the teenagers.
The teenagers can really move it... You look at the speeds and you see that younger kids go as fast as they can, then the teenagers get up there and cut that time almost in half.
Some of the teenage girls along with the boys shave their head for additional speed and less drag.
Now, I'm a bit hairy, mostly my legs & arms... And I cannot picture myself shaved.... If I shaved my arms & legs, I'd probably be freezing for a long time until it grew back in.
Ok, I'm working today, but I don't want to do this...
I don't feel like typing in the blog today, but I'm committed to documenting my daily feelings & general thoughts on life.
Perhaps those who are bipolar or depressed, or just in a screwed up state, can see how someone else is dealing with it.
I'm just glad that I haven't hit a depressed state for a while.
You know of all the things that I fear these days, getting really depressed is one of the ones that I fear the most.
I can deal with death of people/family, but I don't know if I can handle going into a deep depression.
Looking outside, I can see that the Lutheran church across the way has something going on... There's a line of maybe 10 people outside their doors.
Perhaps there's a sale today? I thought I saw something on a calendar somewhere that a sale was going to be happening soon.
I'll saunter over there sometime to see what's to be seen... I've picked up some very rare books & other useful things from their sales over the years, so I hope today is a sale... if I had any money.
I spent my last bit of cash on my new orchid...
BTW, Here's a picture of my new Orchid.
It was something I used to enjoy on a rainy day.
Perhaps those who are bipolar or depressed, or just in a screwed up state, can see how someone else is dealing with it.
I'm just glad that I haven't hit a depressed state for a while.
You know of all the things that I fear these days, getting really depressed is one of the ones that I fear the most.
I can deal with death of people/family, but I don't know if I can handle going into a deep depression.
Looking outside, I can see that the Lutheran church across the way has something going on... There's a line of maybe 10 people outside their doors.
Perhaps there's a sale today? I thought I saw something on a calendar somewhere that a sale was going to be happening soon.
I'll saunter over there sometime to see what's to be seen... I've picked up some very rare books & other useful things from their sales over the years, so I hope today is a sale... if I had any money.
I spent my last bit of cash on my new orchid...
BTW, Here's a picture of my new Orchid.
You can see my old web cam just there in the back ground... I have it mounted on a boom system, because I used to use it for doing stop motion animation.
I'd keep using it, but the picture quality sucks so bad that I don't want to use it for that anymore...
So, I suppose, one of these days, I'll hijack one of my kids' digital cameras or use my own nice camera to act as my camera for stop motion animation and start doing that stuff again.
It was something I used to enjoy on a rainy day.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I Don't feel much like it today...
Not much in the mood to write much actually.
The fucking dog(s) crapped on the floor of my daughter's room... A glass broke in the kitchen all because I pulled something from the cupboard and something else fell on it.
There's construction going on down at the end of my street, which is just one house away, so I get to hear & smell all of it. I've not fucking idea what it is.
Then I'm taking my uncle to a chemo therapy appointment today.
Hopefully things go nice & easy there & back... I don't know how much more stress I can take right now.
I really don't need to go off on anyone... but it'll happen if I keep running into things right now that upset me...
The fucking dog(s) crapped on the floor of my daughter's room... A glass broke in the kitchen all because I pulled something from the cupboard and something else fell on it.
There's construction going on down at the end of my street, which is just one house away, so I get to hear & smell all of it. I've not fucking idea what it is.
Then I'm taking my uncle to a chemo therapy appointment today.
Hopefully things go nice & easy there & back... I don't know how much more stress I can take right now.
I really don't need to go off on anyone... but it'll happen if I keep running into things right now that upset me...
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Family is home and I'm OK! w00t!
My family is home, and nobody dragged me down.
I did talk to Ellie (Had to remind myself that it's not "my wife".... hehe) about the Orchids at Wal-Mart, and I'm a bit excited as we might purchase one or two...
One for her Mother's day present, and one for me... That way I have an orchid in my office.
I dig those flowers and they're really not that much harder to care for than other flowers, they're just different.
My roses are doing well, the original yellow rose that was blooming is fading now, which is sad, but it's also the natural way of life...
For a bipolar person.. or should I really call it was it is, Manic Depressive person, the ups & downs are just part of who we are.
I'm a Bipolar type II, which means that I don't go into those crazy ass manias that the Bipolar I guys do, but I do go into my "normal" high/active state, and hopefully, I don't drop into depression anymore.
Well, that's all I have to say about that... GUMP!
I did talk to Ellie (Had to remind myself that it's not "my wife".... hehe) about the Orchids at Wal-Mart, and I'm a bit excited as we might purchase one or two...
One for her Mother's day present, and one for me... That way I have an orchid in my office.
I dig those flowers and they're really not that much harder to care for than other flowers, they're just different.
My roses are doing well, the original yellow rose that was blooming is fading now, which is sad, but it's also the natural way of life...
For a bipolar person.. or should I really call it was it is, Manic Depressive person, the ups & downs are just part of who we are.
I'm a Bipolar type II, which means that I don't go into those crazy ass manias that the Bipolar I guys do, but I do go into my "normal" high/active state, and hopefully, I don't drop into depression anymore.
Well, that's all I have to say about that... GUMP!
On a bit of an upper for now... Then again, my family hasn't returned from School yet...
My wife... you know.. I haven't given her a fake name yet... Let's call her "Ellie". Why? WTF not? If you don't like it, go write your own blog!
So, Ellie works as an teaching aid with the Autistic children at one school in the morning this school year, and the other half the day doing the same at the same school that our girls go to.
Which means that they usually return home at the same time every day.
I'm still in a good mood and starting to cruise at "full speed", for lack of other terms for my current mood.
Wow...
I turned my attention back to work and forgot to keep typing here..
Damn, I'm a bit distracted today, and I guess I'm not cruising at the level where you can usually smell the shit as it reeks just out drain lines of the septic tanks. (Sewers for you city boys & girls)
Usually a septic tank doesn't give off any scents unless the lines are backed up, then it also fills your house with shit, because the lines from there to the tank are connected, and if the tank can't drain, then neither does your house...
Getting back to why I'm glad my family isn't here is that my family usually transfers their bad moods/problems to me and I wind up feeling like hell because one of them is.
It really sucks that I haven't been able to figure out how to stop this yet.. but it happens all the time... Ellie is the #1 person who does it... Next are the daughters, of course, who else would it be? The cats? The Dogs? the freakin' hamster & guinea pigs?
That's all for now folks, as I want to get back to work...
I'm totally in the zone right now!
So, Ellie works as an teaching aid with the Autistic children at one school in the morning this school year, and the other half the day doing the same at the same school that our girls go to.
Which means that they usually return home at the same time every day.
I'm still in a good mood and starting to cruise at "full speed", for lack of other terms for my current mood.
Wow...
I turned my attention back to work and forgot to keep typing here..
Damn, I'm a bit distracted today, and I guess I'm not cruising at the level where you can usually smell the shit as it reeks just out drain lines of the septic tanks. (Sewers for you city boys & girls)
Usually a septic tank doesn't give off any scents unless the lines are backed up, then it also fills your house with shit, because the lines from there to the tank are connected, and if the tank can't drain, then neither does your house...
Getting back to why I'm glad my family isn't here is that my family usually transfers their bad moods/problems to me and I wind up feeling like hell because one of them is.
It really sucks that I haven't been able to figure out how to stop this yet.. but it happens all the time... Ellie is the #1 person who does it... Next are the daughters, of course, who else would it be? The cats? The Dogs? the freakin' hamster & guinea pigs?
That's all for now folks, as I want to get back to work...
I'm totally in the zone right now!
Oh shit!!! I forgot!!! (Uncle update)
My uncle called me, and I answered the phone using the speaker phone.
I said.. "Hello?" no response, so I tried it again... "Hello?? Hello??" No response... I did "Hello, hello, hello?"
Then I hear his raspy voice... "Jared... do we have an appointment today???"
My eyes popped open, I looked at my Outlook Calendar, and saw that we did have one, and if I didn't get him soon we were going to be really late...
So, I called to confirm the appointment was indeed at the right time and then asked what the address was.
It was a place in an area that I used to live, so I knew right where to go.
I grabbed my Kindle, and went out the door.
Picked him up, surprised by him when I got there.... He was walking, using his walker! And walking-walking, not trudging the way that many do with a walker... He was really moving.
It's good to see him moving so well.
We get there, and had to wait for a bit before we got in.. I suspected it was because we were late... Actually the appointment before us ran long, so we weren't actually "late"... Just good fortuned on timing.
After we finished, and my uncle got his new hearing aids, we ate some lunch and returned to our little town.
I took him shopping over at Wal-Mart, so that he could get some food stuffs for his apartment, that he didn't need to buy, but insists on buying, so I humor him.
While at Wal-Mart, I looked down an aisle, and saw some beautiful orchids that they brought in for Mother's Day...
Perhaps my wife will get another Orchid... hehe... I love these plants and flowers.
The phalaenopsis that we currently have is still blooming since late February or early March.
My little lady slipper blooms finally died, which is what I expected, considering that I ripped them out of the ground several weeks ago. It was a good thing too. I was back up at the same spot I got them a few days ago, and the loggers were working in that area, and that little bit of them would be gone or crushed by now.
So my uncle is doing well, and all set to go for Chemo-Therapy again tomorrow afternoon. I'll take him there, and see what there is to see & do. Most likely, I'll continue reading Little Women, but it's starting to be like a chore for me to read it as I'm losing interest in it, but I do want to watch the movie for it soon.
Well, that's all I have now, I need to get back to work.
I said.. "Hello?" no response, so I tried it again... "Hello?? Hello??" No response... I did "Hello, hello, hello?"
Then I hear his raspy voice... "Jared... do we have an appointment today???"
My eyes popped open, I looked at my Outlook Calendar, and saw that we did have one, and if I didn't get him soon we were going to be really late...
So, I called to confirm the appointment was indeed at the right time and then asked what the address was.
It was a place in an area that I used to live, so I knew right where to go.
I grabbed my Kindle, and went out the door.
Picked him up, surprised by him when I got there.... He was walking, using his walker! And walking-walking, not trudging the way that many do with a walker... He was really moving.
It's good to see him moving so well.
We get there, and had to wait for a bit before we got in.. I suspected it was because we were late... Actually the appointment before us ran long, so we weren't actually "late"... Just good fortuned on timing.
After we finished, and my uncle got his new hearing aids, we ate some lunch and returned to our little town.
I took him shopping over at Wal-Mart, so that he could get some food stuffs for his apartment, that he didn't need to buy, but insists on buying, so I humor him.
While at Wal-Mart, I looked down an aisle, and saw some beautiful orchids that they brought in for Mother's Day...
Perhaps my wife will get another Orchid... hehe... I love these plants and flowers.
The phalaenopsis that we currently have is still blooming since late February or early March.
My little lady slipper blooms finally died, which is what I expected, considering that I ripped them out of the ground several weeks ago. It was a good thing too. I was back up at the same spot I got them a few days ago, and the loggers were working in that area, and that little bit of them would be gone or crushed by now.
So my uncle is doing well, and all set to go for Chemo-Therapy again tomorrow afternoon. I'll take him there, and see what there is to see & do. Most likely, I'll continue reading Little Women, but it's starting to be like a chore for me to read it as I'm losing interest in it, but I do want to watch the movie for it soon.
Well, that's all I have now, I need to get back to work.