Ok... so it didn't shrink... it did seem to shirk...

The old heater lives on!

It's old pilot light kept going off that day & early evening.

It was good that it's been warm and sunny the last week or so.

Our weather this time of the year is either cold and rainy or overcast and cold.

My final step, was to use compressed air to blow out the area around the pilot light and gas jets.

The thought was that this will either work, or I'll heat the house up REALLY well and then turn the heater back down to normal.

If the pilot light still freaked out, I was going to take the next day off from work or stop early and pull the gas/temperature module apart.

It's very vintage, and it's close to 50+ years old.  It has a glass panel so you can see the gas jets burning when its on.

Aside from needing the heat right away, we don't want to spend all of our extra money to buy a heater.

Obviously, the heater lives on, and the jets are burning much better now too!

Perhaps this will lower my gas bill since all of the jets are burning well.

Seems like the simple things will help keep us running really well.

If only computer/digital devices were this easy to keep going for modern uses...

Do women know about shrinkage?

From Seinfeld Episode: "The Hamptons"

Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming... afterwards.
Elaine: It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George Costanza: It just does.

No shrinkage here...

It was just REALLY cold last night, but not as cold as it was last year with the ice storm.

I suppose our heater had shrinkage... It's pilot light went out...

I doubt the cold did it... after 11 years of living here, this is the first time that it went out!

It was really windy last night, so I imagine that wind managed to make it down the chimney and blow the light out.

Don't call me Ricky Bobby... “I Wanna Go Fast!”

Last night, when Ellie & the Misses went to their girls club meeting, I turned on "Cars".

I know...

J. Strider! WTF! Cars?  Isn't that a Disney/Pixar movie?

Hell yes it is.

Little Miss and I used to watch it a lot many years ago.

I hadn't seen it in many moons... and I also wanted to see how it was with the Surround Sound that was sitting dormant all these years.

It was Freakin' Awesome!

Watching that show makes me wish I could actually be at the race track in the pits or in an actual car driving!

Over the years of playing games, I really prefer racing games over almost every other type of game.

Heck, without any cheats, I beat every race on Mario Kart with star ratings!

Up until recently, probably due to lack of playing, my family has been beating me... before that.. no one could touch me!

In the words of the immortal Gump...
"That's all I have to say about that"

It was a good sleep and a good dream.

Perhaps I found a "fix" or a solution for my sinus problems.

Last night I slept so good, that I woke up around 4:30 feeling like I slept better than I ever have in years!

Yesterday, while dealing with tons of sinus pain, I used the ABC Homeopathy symptom checker.  They suggested I try Sepia.  Previously when I looked this up, it was also suggested.  Yesterday, I bought some.

At first, I couldn't tell that it was doing much, but my sinuses eventually drained enough that the pain went away.

Last night before bed, I took some more, along with my usual medication, and slept really well.

What I dreamt though, was of something that I can not physically do these days.  Dancing.

It was like I was at some sort of dancing competition/audition.  Unlike the youth who were dressing in the modern outfits, I donned my dress slacks, suspenders, long sleeved red shirt and tie.

I wasn't sure why I had that dream, but it was something that I don't like to do.

I really don't like dancing.

I can't even walk that far without going into a lot of pain.

The poisons are leaving the building...

I decided to take a shower after I got the bread bowls all baked. (Just finished dinner and they were really good!)

Whilst getting ready for my shower I started playing music on my phone's MP3 player.  In addendum, I also opened the window , turned off the lights and took a cool shower.

In the midst of shaving and cleaning, I thought several things.

Since, I was going to get the eye of Horus tattooed on my left forearm... Why Egyptian?  I thought about Judeo-Christian stories, figures and possible icons to use..

Here, a lesson from my religious studies came to me about the Israelites whining about not having a king.  "Give us a king like other nations..."

Then I had a flash from possible meeting with friends of mine.  I could just hear her giving me a small lecture about it... But not mean in any way.  She just noticed it and asked about it.

Then I realized that the physical symptoms were better.

My physical symptoms usually include a sightly heightened heart rate, higher blood pressure...

Perhaps I just found a way to slow down my manic symptoms... Cool off somehow.

Taking a shower isn't always appealing to me. (See previous posts about showering)

I can't stand being cold... Maybe what used to help before, was that I used to walk outside everyday in the cold weather.

Perhaps I can go for car rides with the windows down or AC up all the way.

I've got gold fever...

That's a twofold statement for me.

If I had gold fever, then I'd have at least a single fixation on something.

If I didn't have folks fever...

Well then...

I'd have to say that I have a really bad mania going on right now.  REALLY, really bad!

I'm pulled about twenty ways to Sunday... Why twenty ways to Sunday? Why not one or two hundred? Why Sunday?

I'm baking bread, getting ready for a tattoo (with Ellie's blessing.. She just wants to help me get it out of my system. If I back out... I'm only out the $15.00 deposit fee. )... I'm going to take a shower, but I'm worried about the bread since I can't smell it in the shower...

Just... Well... Very heightened and very aware right now.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see by physiatrist and if I don't tell her about the tat she won't talk me out of it.  In nit sure what she can help me with... Maybe verbally being able to spew my emotions might really help out.

I've still got this damn cold thing going on right now.. Perhaps more cold medicine will feed this mania some more?

I don't feel so edgy that I can't be left alone... But it might be nice if I had good working legs that I could walk out some of this energy.

Damn now I'm cooling off and I'm getting sleepy.

Atlas's burden often seems less than ours.

I'm not able to sleep again...

Here are the possible reasons based on what's been in my history.

1. Insomnia...
   Possible, although it's not always strictly inability to sleep.
2. Bipolar/mania...
  Another good possibility, and more than likely.  But I don't feel manic.
3. Cold medication...
  Very possible, although I took it about 4 hours ago.
4. Stress and anxiety.
  There is still uncertainty about work and there is a special meeting in about 6 hours.

What I found is that I can go into an insomniac state if I took Sudafed sometime after 4pm.  It would push me into a manic state.

Or... Like the doctors say... I need to use my cpap machine... That's only good if you can fall asleep.

Reading doesn't necessarily help you sleep, but it does keep from getting bored.

Although, I find listening to music or a radio show often helps.

Hey y'all ain't gonna believe this!

I love my family.  Lots and lots.

Today though, they've pushed me enough to start swearing around then again.

They know what happened last night, if you religiously read this blog, you know what happened.

After all, WTF feels all happy and chipper when they don't feel good?

Today was the day that they decided to go through the process of ripping all of the new music CDs that they hadn't done yet...

Naturally, they remember exactly how to do this...

To shorten this narrative, Ellie, who is the one who likes to be in control has no idea how to do anything like this without help.

Trying to take a nap or do something else is completely IMPOSSIBLE when Ellie is using a computer!

Now she is a great homemaker, an even more and wonderful life companion.

She's just not good at anything with computers or technology or mechanical.  Just driving them.

So here I go again...

I thought t was doing well

Several hours ago, I got into a tub with really got water and eventually the pain in my legs and hip got better.  Hell, I even fell to sleep.

Now!?

I'm fucking awake with sinus pain.

Sinusitis really, really, hurts and sucks.

So right this second, I'm in the bathroom with a fucking hairdryer trying  hey the sinus pressure down.

I guess I'm going for the damn ice cream next.

Damn phone app.

I dig technology...  I really do.

Based on my last post, you'd think I have all the latest technology but I don't.

In all honesty, I don't care enough about having all the latest things.

That's the funny thing.

I don't want to spend a lot of time with technology most of the time... Except for watching movies at home.  Even that doesn't mean I spend a lot on that technology.

What I spend the most on right now is electronic paraphernalia.  Not technology, but electronic components to build various components for my HAM radio hobby.  I really enjoy it and have been immensely happy that I renewed my license.

I'd like to go into my shop sometime and start cleaning things up and organizing everything again.

It's actually full of really cool tools for both wood working and stone carving too.

Right now, it's after midnight, and except for dozing out for several minutes, I am in too much pain.  My damn hips and knees hurt really badly.  Especially my right hip where I fell on my keister farting around with Little Miss's skateboard.

Going back to the subject of this entry...

I have an app for writing blog entries...

It's not really bad to work with, but I noticed that it really sucks sometimes.  One of my last posts had some extra shit in the lines from misspelling words or trying to type things over and over because it looks like the app hung.

My other big bitch about the app is that it doesn't do a cache/save/draft recovery like Gmail app does.  Because of this, I've lost 5-20 minutes of typing on the damn android phone.  Granted, I've wasted more time looking at various lingerie catalogues years ago when I was one of those really horny teenagers.

I think I'm going to take some Tylenol here pretty soon, and get my Kindle and continue reading The Great Gatsby... I want to finish it again before I watch the latest version of it with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Ol' Leo really nailed the part, and the writer/director did a really good job covering the story without covering every single fucking line of the book.  I tried watching several of the original versions of The Great Gatsby movies and they were ALL boring and ... well... spent way too much fucking time trying to play out all the scenes and things.

Well, I'm tired, and don't know where to sit/sleep tonight.  My damn leg/thigh hurts so damn bad, I might just crawl into the tub with the water as hot as I can stand it... that has helped a lot in the past.  Perhaps it will again.

I tried snorting come coke once, but the ice cube stuck in my nose

I originally thought that doing the bills was sobering.

It really was...

But...

I feel the possible mania hitting me hard again...  Stereotypically, bipolar people spend too much when in a manic mood.

I'm not going to go out purposely and spend..  I just won't be surprised when it happens.

Ellie actually over spends more than I do... A lot more.

If the mood hits me again... I'll have that tattoo... Maybe two... Or whatever can be done in an hour...

After all...

Just to get through the mania...

Money doesn't matter...

Just doing something that's unusual and impulsive is what I/we normally do.

Damn that hurts!

I know I pushed my legs more than usual but damn.... Does it really have to hurt so bad now?

Today, I finally did the half way through the month bills myself.  Ellie had been doing all the bills for years.

It was good to do them and see WTF our money had been going to.

Perhaps I can help us change our lifestyle from a bit too freeform to more structured...

It will do a few things.  We'll most likely lose weight, save money and help with our busy nights.

Plan out the meals so that we know how much to buy, when to cook what and when to actually eat out for a treat.

Good day off and I can't believe it's not here anymore

I scheduled today off for Little Miss's birthday party.  I will try and do that with both Little and Big Miss from now on.  I suppose I'll do it with Elle too; take a day of as an extra bit of my time for them.

I found today that, had I been alone, i would've gotten the Eye of Horus tattooed on my left forearm.  After I finished the first of the Kane chronicle book, I think I might eventually add the spine of Osiris there too.  Maybe later on, a Thunderbird and call it quits.  I don't want to be inked all over.  If it'll cost me about $20-50 an hour at the tat shop I'll get the eye and spine done and perhaps the Thunderbird.  The pain from it might help me on some days when life feels tough.

Would my life be more tolerable if u was REALLY involved with church and religion the way my family was when I was growing up?  I don't know. I know some of it would be better, but I also know I despised the way I was kept under things growing up.

We weren't allowed to play outside in the front yard. For A long time, until I was perhaps 6 or 8 the tv was never turned on.  That didn't seem that long, but I was child number five of six.  So the TV probably had been off on Sundays since 1960.  Sometime around when our folks married.

Before I go too far into this thought...  We got rid of the freakin chinchilla today.  It might come back, but i hope it doesn't.  I'm tired of having a cage and taking care  an animal that no one plays with.  At least my cockatiels and I interact with each other.  So Ellie's sister took out home.  I hope they keep it.

Going back to the thought about life from before the later 80's... I remember that most stores were closed on Sundays.

I'm still reading through The Great Gatsby... It seems to me that it must've been quite a scandalous story at the time to the majority of America at the time.  I believe this is why I started thinking back to the way life once was.  Is life really that different now than it was then?

For me because of how I was raised and lived my life for years... The Great Gatsby allows me to live in an era and possible lifestyle when I probably would've be a real swinging Playboy.  Just letting my hair down and not worrying about the morality of what I was doing.  Just doing because I wanted to.

I've always thought that a little anarchy was good once in a while.

Right now... I feel like I'm on a bit of a fence.

I know i don't want to do anything that is against what I don't think is right... But there are those times when I wish I had the money and the ability to just do what I wanted to without any repercussions.  Perhaps like the periodical son.

When most hear that story, they think of how the son who chose to go out and live it up and waste his inheritance.

These days I often think like the brother who didn't.  Perhaps, despite knowing that everything was his, would he have liked to go out and live that way?  I feel though that once you got started it would be damn near impossible to stop... That is until you were either dead or just down and out.

Being bipolar and in an upswing/manic state, it's hard to not want to do things.  It's really hard to hold it all in.

Now today I've had a LOT of sweets, which normally don't mean a damn thing. I have noticed that I feel more manic the more hyped up by sweets I get.

I really should slow down somehow.

If I wasn't actually physically tired and worn out, and had some friends like I had as a teenager.... I wouldn't be winding down for bed.  We'd be out somewhere.

I'll state it again.

I Love Ellie!

She's what hero's helps me more than anything to stay grounded.

I love you Ellie!

I'm a little bit manic today, but not a maniac like Mr. Toad

I've been working since 4:30 AM... again...

Today, I've been all over the "map" doing various things.

I started off getting my Linux QA system setup.

While that was booting up, etc, I was going through my Ebooks and changing their titles & authors with Calibre, so that I could find & sort them better on my Kindle.

Then I bounced back to look at the Linux system, before I bounced into my gmail to look at pictures my sister sent me of her & her husband.  Most of the pictures her husband looks like he has bad gas and needs to fart a few hundred times or take a partial box of Gas-X.

Back to my ebooks, I decided to let Calibre convert & rename the files in a batch and started it.

To my gmail again, I followed the link I sent myself about setting up OpAmp circuits to amplify a signal to allow my scanner's output to correctly swing a meter to determine the strength of a signal.  I will be using this for direction finding to track down bootlegger & RFI people using HAM radio bands & frequencies.

Back to work, I went through my emails and tasks.  I contacted the security management team to get the rest of my team put on the account to install the analysis software.  Also I also wanted them to set us up with a portal/site to automate scanning of our code during our build process.  It will make the security issues easier to find instead of doing a module by module scan. (Almost a hundred of them now.)

Went to Ebooks again...

Back to gmail.

Told the boss that I got the info sent to the security guys.  Followed up on how many items for one of our supported product modules was left, how the Linux development was going and the status of the security items.

Now I'm still bouncing between security, ebooks, the security items and now this blog.

Wish me luck.

I'm almost 10' tall!

I took Xanax and lots of X-Lax this morning. I can't get off the toilet, but I feel good about it.

I'm still worried about the job situation, but some how I feel very calm and peaceful...

Perhaps it's because I prayed and laid out my situation, concerns, doubts and fears to my Father in Heaven.

After all, I have proved his tender mercies more often than I can almost remember.  Which is a lot!

Ellie can only describe my memory as "photographic".  I think she's right.

It's not that I can see something and recall it back in perfect detail every time.

What basically happens, is that I manage to "record" like a video certain things that have happened. 

Sometimes, when I dream, I record stuff that actually will happen to me!  Not unlike Joseph, which was sold into Egypt.

Speaking of Egypt...

If you've been following my blog at all in the past few weeks, you know that I've been on an upper, manic state.

I've been thinking very strongly about getting my first tattoo... it'll be the Eye of Horus.

This is partly due to reading my favorite Rick Riordan books, The Kane Chronicles.

Here's how I think about the symbol: (From http://learningenglish.voanews.com/content/a-23-2009-03-21-voa3-83143007/130264.html  Also, this is similar to what is described in The Kane Chronicles)

The evil Seth put out the eye of the young Horus.  The mother of Horus called for help.  Her cry was answered by Thoth, the god of learning and magic.  Thoth, with his wisdom and special powers, healed the eye of Horus.  The child was able to see again.

Ancient Egyptians used a drawing of the eye of Horus as a magic sign to protect themselves from disease, suffering and evil.  They cut this sign in the stones they used for buildings, and it was painted on the papyrus rolls used for writing about medicine and doctors.

For thousands of years, the eye of Horus remained as a sign of the god's help to the suffering and sick. 

Long after the fall of the ancient Egyptian civilization, doctors and alchemists in Europe continued the custom of showing a sign of the gods' help and protection.

If I get into a "all systems go" and "I can keep from bouncing off the walls" mood again... I believe the local Tattoo parlor will get a visit from me.  Since I figure it's just a matter of time, I called them and found that it should cost me $15+ to get it done.  I only want it to be around 1" at the widest and to be on the forearm close to the elbow.

I want it to be visible, but also nondescript.  So you see it, but don't take much notice to it.

Up and down like a butter churn baby!

Looks like my bipolar disorder has me going through some faster & faster cycling... I suppose it's a rapid cycle scenario I've read about my bipolar "brothers & sisters".(anyone who has bipolar that I run into online.)

Last night, I was an asshole and I know it...  Only towards the end of the night.

Honestly, I don't/didn't know WTF was happening.

This morning until around 12:00 PM, I still felt close to the same, had no desire to work!

After 12:00PM or so, I started perking up and getting things done.

I know that I need something to help with my mood, beyond Lamictal...but I don't know that Zyprexa is the actual help I need.

I'm going to stop taking the Zyprexa for a few days to see if my good mood keeps going.

Prior to my sudden upbeat, I left a message with my counselor to see if she was still available to see me.

No return calls yet... I'll have to remember to call her tomorrow.

Through my employer I get like Eight Free sessions per year.  After those eight are over, then the insurance will start covering the sessions... perhaps I'll have a copay at that time.. but I doubt it.

To continue with my tirade.. I suppose it's a tirade...

My mom called me up to ask me to wish her a "happy birthday" and "happy anniversary".  Then she proceeded to tell me that I should talk to my oldest daughter, and I pretty much told my mom to take a flying fucking leap about the business with my daughter.

That oldest kid of mine is pretty damn worthless and untrustworthy and  I really don't care one ounce if she ever comes back, calls me, etc.

Just don't care...

Perhaps I'm just a cold hearted asshole?  After all... I won't blink at doing many things that others have moral issues with...  Like standing up to people and just saying it like it is.. or shooting from the hip rather.  Being blunt and honest over being kind.

It's like an orange on a toothpick...

Recently my bipolar disorder has been swinging me around by the tail.

I imagine this in the manner my grandfather told me about cat's tails and fighting.
   Tie two cats  together by their tails then throw them over a clothes line, and they'll really duke it out.

I don't want to have my tail tied to anyone else because being bipolar is rough enough for a single person.

Currently, I don't know if this is my problem or that I'm standing up for myself...

Here's the low down as I see it:
"Here's the camera dad..." "I can't reach our grab it that way. Twist it.. OK I got it now.

Ellie, " is there something wrong? "

"No... Nothing's wrong...". Ellie, "But why did you sound upset?"

At this point I start to get pissed at Ellie for thinking I'm pissed.

Fuck it... I'm done with this entry.