Being upset with a foul mouth like mine can really get you into trouble.

Friday night, Ellie, the Misses & I went to a local food place to eat "in".  It's kind of a fast food place, but it makes almost full meals, and you order and bring it home.

I didn't necessarily feel good at first, mostly because it almost always seems that no one can just getup and go out somewhere.

Well at the place we were ordering from, I couldn't really read their freakin' menu and what I ordered was supposed to be "mini" because I wasn't really hungry.

On the way home, Ellie started into her tirade about how my car makes this noise, or that noise and that she didn't think it was safe...

blah
blah
blah

Well, I got pissed when we got home and I left the car telling her that perhaps she should get it fixed and quit complaining about it so much.

Maybe I didn't say it, but I sure as heck thought it.

Well, when we got inside, the kids were trying to distribute the food and I was doing something else.

When I saw the size of the "mini" thing, I got pissed.

I thought Ellie had ordered it and I didn't want anything that big at all!

I tried to cut it in half, then decided I should quarter it.

When I couldn't do it easily I gave up on the thing.

We had been watching the "Heroes" TV series on DVD's recently.

I told them to just start it and that I didn't care.

Ellie started to push me to sit down and watch it, even when I said I didn't care and that they should just watch the shows anyway.

I was tired, but Ellie really cornered me out there in front the Misses and I got mad and told her that I was going to sit here, even though I didn't want to.

Then she went into how I should take a pill...

Well, I got mad and told her that I was OK and to just leave me alone.

So, I sat there and knit a few rows of this nightmare of a project.

Then I got so tired I told her I was going to bed.

I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset...

I was just TIRED.

After all, I haven't slept good in weeks! or more!

Well, I went into the bedroom, laid down.

I woke up on Saturday...

I mean, I woke up only on Saturday morning, and I was still mad about the car.

So we started talking about it.

Now, I had talked to a mechanic several times about it, and it's a noisy power steering pump.

I talked to the mechanics several times.

Ellie just knows that it makes noise and said that the mechanic said it needed to be replaced.

Well, this got to be a "I'm a better expert" or "I know more than you do" conversation... again...

I got mad, and pissed, so I told her if she knew so f-ing much then she should get it fixed.

Well, Ellie flew into a pissed off tirade and said that she should leave.

I told her to go.

I was mad, and she was mad.

I am just mad that she can't just stop and listen sometimes.

Seriously, I know she hears me, but doesn't always listen.

She left, really, really pissed off.

Before she left, I asked her if she was going to wake up the Misses and drive being as pissed off as she was.

She stopped for a second and then left.

I got worried, because she didn't take her phone.

Finally, I looked at the calendar and realized she had a nail appointment around the same time.

Ellie did return home and showed me her nails, but she was still really pissed off.

A bit later, I decided I was going to crawl under the house to spread some insecticide around the kitchen area.

During my crawling endeavour, I hurt my knee several times, banged my head and started to really feel suffocated from all the gear I had on. (Gloves, long sleeved shirt, bandanna around my mouth, etc)

This didn't help anything.

I finally decided after I couldn't really get to where I wanted to get easily, I crawled out.

When I got out, I stepped into the shower full dressed.

I did this because the knee surgery process is highly focused on an almost sterile process before the surgery.  I wanted to minimize the amount of "non-normal" dirt in the house.

The shoes got rinsed/washed out well, the socks, long sleeved coat, pants, shirts, etc...

As I did this I tossed them onto floor.

When I was done, and dried, I went into the bathroom, threw them into a hamper and drug it back to the utility room.

Swearing and using the f-word most of the time whenever things really hurt.

When I finally sat down, it hit me that Ellie had been avoiding me, with the exception of any direct questions.

It was shortly after that, when Ellie and I talked about things.

We discussed how the F-word was, really, really bad... and Ellie is VERY offended that it was used towards her.

We talked about the car, which I reminded her was possibly the 4th or 6th time we had this discussion about the car in the last 4 months.

Part of this discussion went into things that we hadn't been doing, which turned out that we're not communicating about very good (figures right?)...

Ellie said that she had to be able to express her feelings or she would feel controlled.

I told her the same thing and that I, more often than not, don't do and usually feel that she never let me do...

She thought about it and I think she did understand that it did happen.

Finally, we got to how I was being cornered the night before about the damn TV show.

She apologized for it.

Then we discussed the Bipolar Disorder problems.

Bipolar is a terrible thing to deal with.

It's not for sissies on either side of it.

You can't be a sissy and suffer with it...

Nor can you be a sissy and be married or involved with a Bipolar person.

If you've been following this blog, you know that I am abhorred by the actions that have happened in the past and even recently because of the problems being bipolar causes.

Ellie thought I was using being Bipolar as an "excuse" for things, but I told her that I don't hide behind it and I really don't think it was fair.

I accept the actions that I took, although I can say that being Bipolar influences a lot of my actions.

I pointed out those journal entries that I recently added to this blog... How I realized the problem was there and I had to do something.

It was a real big problem trying to figure out how to deal with things...

I never tried to hide and excuse my stupid actions as... "I'm sorry, my bipolar made me do that".

Bipolar does affect things and at least these days, I realize that a problem is happening...

Unfortunately I might not realize it right away....

But I AM trying really, really hard to recognize when a problem is happening and to think, why am I doing this?

Am I really justified in my actions and thoughts?

As part of my journal entries, I told Ellie that the pain from those sinus headaches was also a very large problem and influence on my actions.

These days, I rarely get sinus problems, since I started using or have a cool mist humidifier running almost all the time I'm working.

Or I suppose, I am in an an environment with higher humidity.

My intake of pain killers for the sinus pain is almost 0 these days.

I'm very, very excited for this upcoming knee replacement.

It's part of the final steps towards the elimination of my major source of pain.

In short, because I'm rambling on and the ramble is going to be another entry...

I love Ellie!

It's not that we can't disagree.

It's just that I need to keep my dang mouth in check around everyone more often and keep away from the F-Word..

Which is really hard for me whenever I'm under great duress.

The duress/stress/pain only contributes to the problem...

It does not make me use the word.

I'm sorry my dearest Ellie!

Aren't Black people the bigger, more adult people?

I'm probably going to get hell for this...

All this business, complaining, and boycotting any sort of awards ceremonies by various actors and individuals is just stupid!

I'm not going to win an award.
I wasn't nominated.
I'm boycotting the awards!

So, should I put on my big boy panties now?

 I have a great deal of respect for black people!

A great deal of respect.

Out of the people I went to school with, I was maybe 1 of the 3 "white" people in a classroom out of 20+ other students.

Most were Black or Hispanic and several more Asian.

20 years ago, I moved "Great North West".

Ever since then, and even today, I call it the "Great White North West".

It's not the cold, rain or snow which influences the name.

It's the strange difference and absence of racial variety here.

Getting back to the Awards Shows, etc...

This morning, I saw an article where Jamie Foxx was basically making fun of Will Smith, etc...  "Act Better!"


My family and I love movies!

Personally, there are some that I will watch just because it has Will Smith, or Denzel Washington in them.

It's like going to watch "Star Wars" or "Indiana Jones" movies.

You just got to go see them.

Why whine about it!?
Aren't you the bigger person?

There were MANY MORE black people who have been denied "petty" things by today's standards, who never threw a fit like this!

My feelings about this make me feel like a parent for all of these people.

• If they "start to allow" or "nominate" black actors on purpose...

1. Wouldn't that be like giving in because someone is whining?
1. Did you work hard at your job and not get recognized?
1. Welcome to the world with the rest of us!
2. I haven't always been recognized for my efforts at work!
3. I don't whine, because it really won't change things because of the past.  It might change going forward, but it might not.

I made my own way to the "top" of where I want to be.

No college education.

No specialized training.

All self taught.

I didn't whine because I didn't get the salary I should've gotten at first.

The exception to this would be if I was hired in, did my job extremely well.  Or "walked on water" as one manager put it.

So no matter what you do, how hard you work, you don't always get the pay and recognition you deserve!

If you want to boycott the shows, boycott the shows.

Just understand, if you start getting more nominations and awards going forward...

Wouldn't you be the child getting their way by yelling & screaming!?

Manual Entry - Friday, March 23, 2012

Woke up not feeling well.  In fact abdomen hurt whenever cats walked or stepped on it.

Took shower, shaved and still felt bad.

Went to utility room for something, on way back my uncle said he had my birthday card.  Instead of stopping, I just said "I wasn't feeling well and wanted to eat."  So he brought it out to me a few moments later.  When he turned to go to his room my wife whispered, "Tell him thank you."

I dropped my fork, said "you're not my mom" and went back to bed.  I was angry & upset for two reasons.  First was that I didn't want to deal with that card/birthday thing yet.  Second is that Ellie has recently been telling me what to do instead of letting me deal with things my own way.  I hate being told what to do.

Ellie eventually came in and apologized and I got dressed.  I sat in the recliner in the front room and had to tell the kids I wasn't ready for birthday presents several times.  It took an hour before i felt good enough to start deciding that we would go see a movie.  By then I'd taken 2 pain pills for stomach & head pain.

We drove to the mall & watched "We bought a Zoo."  Ellie & the girls ate some lunch.

On the way home I got & drank a large McD shake.  McD shakes dont' have enough milk (if any) to upset my stomach.

While we were gone, my uncle bought some pork chops & I cooked them on the BBQ/Smoker.

After dinner, I finally opened my presents & we had cake & ice cream.

One of my presents was the movie "Puss in Boots."  We watched it, I laughed at a lot of stuff in it and went to bed after.  A few hours later, I awoke and Ellie and I made love.

So that's what Fletch's son looks like...

This morning, reading through the general celebrity crap, I saw Fletch's son.

Who's Fletch?

You're missing out if you haven't read, or more importantly seen Fletch.(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089155/)

OK, not what Fletch normally looks like, but what he looks like when he's undercover for his investigations.

More specifically, it's when he's undercover during his questioning of airplane mechanics.

This morning, I think I finally saw Josh Brolin for the first time. ( I think )

Very uncanny, right?

After all, Mr. Underhill will pay for your next vacation.

OMG! I can't believe how she's teaching him THAT!

My sister-in-law is a great person and I love her dearly.

She is, however, an airhead and very irresponsible... still...

When she was 18, she got pregnant right out of high school on a one night stand.





Not everyone who does a one night stand or gets pregnant is an airhead.

My sister-in-law, actually has done LOTS of things that have my classifying her as an airhead.

Well, this time, she told us that our 15 year old nephew had some questions about school yard lingo he heard in the school yard.

Instead of talking about it, she gave him the American Pie movies and suggested he watch those to learn about it.

I used to like dirty humor as much as the other teens back in the day.

About 15 years ago, I only saw the first one, and I wished I hadn't.

For me, I believe that watching movies like this only contribute to ill behavior by teens and adults; primarily teens.

Going forward with this, I said that I thought that method of teaching a teen boy was vulgar.

If you want your son to be careful and safe in the emerging teen "sex world", why would you show them a movie that's all about several kids who's only aim in life is to have sex?

I'd rather not go into details about what bugs me about that movie and the possible interpretation by teens.

After all, I was a knowing participant at the time my ex-wife got pregnant.

I can honestly say that listening to a friend's sexual encounters (he wouldn't shut up about it) and watching these "teen" movies that I was more willing to seek out sex.

As I think about it these days...

The only reason why I was interested in my ex-wife back at the time, was to just have someone to make out with.

Pretty damn sorry, right?

I honestly don't want to see any kids taught in the manner of...

"Watch these sexually charged teen movies to learn..."

w00t!

It's Summer!

WTF is it so HOT already!?

Holy shit has it been hot the past 4+ days here.

Damn, it's been into the mid-upper 90's and my melting point is when it's about 85 degrees outside.

Well, at least on Friday night, it wasn't super hot, and after installing the security screen doors and AC, I was prepared for this year's onslaught of

"I'm gonna get you sucka!"

I know, so WTF am I declaring w00t when it's so damn hot!?

While last night was still a school night, it was one of the official fun nights of summer that my family has.

It was so freakin' hot, that I had to worry about starting a forest fire on my ass every time I farted last night.

So last night, we all crammed into our bedroom with the window AC unit to watch a movie.

As usual, Ellie and I were laying on the bed, and the Misses tried to lay up there with us.

Obviously the misses have grown over the years and are either as tall or taller as Ellie.

Well, Ellie and I had to kick them off the bed last night, due to the lack of space.

Big and Little Miss took up position on the cold floor right in front of the TV.

Coincidentally it's also right in front of the AC unit.  It was a plus for them since they were kicked off the bed.

We sat down to watch the season opener of Downton Abbey on DVD. (Whatever season we're on, I don't know, but we were watching it.)

The show was good, and went well, considering all the drama going on with the wedding, money loss, and getting ready for the show to step into the Great Depression.

One thing that's VERY irritating about watching a show like this, is Big Miss.

See, she's almost a teenager now, and past year and a half she's noticed the feelings of love, blushing and hides herself when people are kissing, etc.

Also she can't shut up when we're watching movies for the first time.

Last night, she kept talking, gushing about the relationship between the characters and making her freakin' weird Wookie laughing/giggling sounds.  She gets very LOUD when she's making these noises.

Funny thing about AC, fans and really freaking hot weather.
You eventually get the room so freaking cold that you start to roll up into blankets.

Sometime during the show, Little Miss managed to make it onto the bed, take one of the top covers and roll up.

At that point, I had Big Miss turn off the fan, and I used the remote control for the AC and turned it on/off for a bit.

I love my family and this is one of the things we do together when it's very hot and the days are long...

Yet, the recurring line we heard over and over last night:

"Big Miss, Shut up!"

Tell me... is that a gap in your teeth or do you have a watermelon seed stuck?

Holy shit!

You know...

It never ceases to amaze me these days how many "famous" people have gaps in their teeth.

Some of them, understandably, grew up poor and probably weren't able to have them fixed.

Others, I don't understand.

Myself, I had some bad "crowns" put on my front teeth and I went till I was almost 25 years old when I finally got them replaced with real crowns.  My original "crowns" were stained horribly and were not worth showing anyone.

Now, when I'm looking at the headlines in the news at various "stars" & "celebrities", a bunch of these idiots have real large gaps between their teeth!

WTF work hard as hell on your body when your teeth look like a fucking hillbilly!?

Seriously...

• Do you keep the gap so that you can sluice your tobbakkie juice without much effort?
• Are your fucking jaws wired shut to keep you thin and you use the gap to drink from a fucking straw?

Often (more than often), I read through some of the celebrity websites' headlines.

This I do for multiple reasons:

1. Hey, it's like reading an obituary.
1. I like to see if any of the actors I like or grew up watching are dead.
• Jack Lemon, Walter Matthau & Robin Williams' death actually shook me up.
• Unlike that bastard Leonard Nimoy with his fucking Spock ears and finger thingy he does.
2.  It's like gossip and it's fun to see who killed their career.
2. My family loves movies and it's nice to be able to chat with them about what future movies actors are going to do.
3. Hugh Jackman is a hunk!
4. Kardasians might be the trashiest and weirdest fucking family in the world, but the girls do have nice figures to look at. (I have never seen the show... only pictures)
5. Ummm...
• Wolverine is a hunk?
• Or does that fall under Hugh Jackman being a hunk?

 Well, I suppose...

As for the follow up on the fucking tooth gap thing...

1. If you're rich, it doesn't matter what people think, right?
2. You're just a freak in the first place, and there's nothing you can change about it.
• Steve Buscemi
• Mike Tyson
3.  You're a model or another person with a good looking body.
• Most people don't look at your face anyway.
4. Paper sacks don't discriminate against the poor or rich.
5. If you're ugly, you're ugly and a paper sack still works.

Stop the insanity... no, craziness... no, the swearing!

As you might have noticed and read, I swear.

Often too much.

Often in front/around my family.

Now, I really need to work on stopping my general swearing behaviors.

Granted, I understand and know when I am under emotional duress, that I'm going to swear.

It's a given.

However, recently, I haven't been under emotional duress, and yet, I still swear.

In fact, my swearing is so colorful sometimes, it would put the "technicolor" process out of business.

It'd be so bright, it'd be neon!

Where this is also leading, is watching too many PG-13 movies where swearing is very prevalent.

OK, not just PG-13.  Pretty much every movie, except for G movies contain multiple levels of swearing.


Unfortunately, the Misses have picked up on the language.

Mostly, Little Miss.

This is sad to me, although, I can relate.

At her age, I was already a champion at swearing!

It's hard to discipline a child when you're a hypocrite and swear.

Where she's swearing, is quoting a movie that we all enjoy.

It's just a single character that swears a LOT.

Ok, it's not just one character, but several of them.

To me, it's not that bad of swearing or number of times it happens.

It's the starkness of when he swears, and context of it.

One of the characters uses the term "Bastard", which is a legit word, but not one Ellie likes.

See, one of Ellie's nephews is a Bastard.  His mom wasn't married when he was conceived and born.

He's a great kid and is being shipped off to basic training with the US Marine Corps.

I'm proud of this man.  I guess that's what he is now.

This nephew is the same age as my oldest (shameful) daughter...

He's more of a son to me than she is a daughter.

Looping back to the swearing though.

I am working on swearing around my family and my own use of it when no one is around.

After all, if I don't do it at all, then it's not likely to slip out when everyone else is around me.

Why continue to be a hypocrite by swearing with no one around, vs when everyone is here?

If I'm alone and swear, does it matter?

Don't call me Ricky Bobby... “I Wanna Go Fast!”

Last night, when Ellie & the Misses went to their girls club meeting, I turned on "Cars".

I know...

J. Strider! WTF! Cars?  Isn't that a Disney/Pixar movie?

Hell yes it is.

Little Miss and I used to watch it a lot many years ago.

I hadn't seen it in many moons... and I also wanted to see how it was with the Surround Sound that was sitting dormant all these years.

It was Freakin' Awesome!

Watching that show makes me wish I could actually be at the race track in the pits or in an actual car driving!

Over the years of playing games, I really prefer racing games over almost every other type of game.

Heck, without any cheats, I beat every race on Mario Kart with star ratings!

Up until recently, probably due to lack of playing, my family has been beating me... before that.. no one could touch me!

In the words of the immortal Gump...
"That's all I have to say about that"

Damn phone app.

I dig technology...  I really do.

Based on my last post, you'd think I have all the latest technology but I don't.

In all honesty, I don't care enough about having all the latest things.

That's the funny thing.

I don't want to spend a lot of time with technology most of the time... Except for watching movies at home.  Even that doesn't mean I spend a lot on that technology.

What I spend the most on right now is electronic paraphernalia.  Not technology, but electronic components to build various components for my HAM radio hobby.  I really enjoy it and have been immensely happy that I renewed my license.

I'd like to go into my shop sometime and start cleaning things up and organizing everything again.

It's actually full of really cool tools for both wood working and stone carving too.

Right now, it's after midnight, and except for dozing out for several minutes, I am in too much pain.  My damn hips and knees hurt really badly.  Especially my right hip where I fell on my keister farting around with Little Miss's skateboard.

Going back to the subject of this entry...

I have an app for writing blog entries...

It's not really bad to work with, but I noticed that it really sucks sometimes.  One of my last posts had some extra shit in the lines from misspelling words or trying to type things over and over because it looks like the app hung.

My other big bitch about the app is that it doesn't do a cache/save/draft recovery like Gmail app does.  Because of this, I've lost 5-20 minutes of typing on the damn android phone.  Granted, I've wasted more time looking at various lingerie catalogues years ago when I was one of those really horny teenagers.

I think I'm going to take some Tylenol here pretty soon, and get my Kindle and continue reading The Great Gatsby... I want to finish it again before I watch the latest version of it with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Ol' Leo really nailed the part, and the writer/director did a really good job covering the story without covering every single fucking line of the book.  I tried watching several of the original versions of The Great Gatsby movies and they were ALL boring and ... well... spent way too much fucking time trying to play out all the scenes and things.

Well, I'm tired, and don't know where to sit/sleep tonight.  My damn leg/thigh hurts so damn bad, I might just crawl into the tub with the water as hot as I can stand it... that has helped a lot in the past.  Perhaps it will again.