I saw it coming... It still doesn't mean it's not FUBAR.

I don't know if I previously posted my thoughts about wanting to retire and actually hoping it happened, in some sort of secret, good way.

I didn't actually retire, but I was retired, if you will.

My employment with my company after almost a full 20 years has been ended.  I didn't do anything to warrant getting laid off, except I think I did... sort of.

I was laid off as part of a reduction in force, which is better than just getting fired.

It means that I was laid off with approx 6 months of pay and benefits, and they had to cash out all of the paid time off I accrued.

Now, I wasn't trying to get laid off on purpose, but I wasn't trying as hard as I might have been able to.  Although, I was trying damn hard to keep my job.

I dunno, it's hard to say.

With sleeping problems due to bipolar and arthritis that was #1 against me working really well.  Then #2 the heavy use of opiod pain killers.  I'm not addicted to them, wherein I'm not taking them for any sort of  a buzz or high.  I need them physically due to the pain.

I know when I no longer need them for pain, I'm going to have emotional problems weaning away from them, because of all the years that I've been taking them.

Then again I might not.

So here's the skinny of the work situation:

• I was not trying to get laid off on purpose.
• I was having problems working due to pain & bipolar sleep patterns.
• Emotionally, I was cracking because of the problems with sleep, etc.
• I needed to get away and take a break from things and taking vacation time wasn't going to be enough.
• Knee replacement was a HUGE deal with me.  (See sleep & emotional notes above.)
• If there was going to be a reduction in force, I was considering telling my manager to put me on the list...

See, I didn't want to be laid off, but I wasn't going to discourage it if it came to it.

When it comes to a business decision, it was what I was expecting.

I'd seen this same behavior before from this employer.

Their budget is too high and they need to reduce, this is how they do it:

1. They look at the top level/higher paid groups.
2. If they see that they have "too many" individuals that are on a team, they skim them off.
3. Managers are more expendable than grunts.
4. IT and other infrastructure staff are expendable.
5. By cutting higher level managers/staff, more grunt positions can be saved and customer facing work doesn't "change".

Well, I was a developer for a Tech Support tool, and they saw "too many" in the USA that were employed.

As a developer though, once you come up with a working concept and the infrastructure is in place, they can outsource your code and project to India and can your ass.

In truth, I was glad to get laid off, and I'm not worried about the future in any sort of sense.  I'm at peace with things and I expect to pick up the pieces and keep going.

Well...

I suppose that there is to say about the work situation.

My first knee surgery is coming up next week.

I'm excited to get it fixed...

but I'm also a bit anxious... I want it to be successful... Not the recovery, but the whole procedure, where they put me to sleep and then the cutting/shaping.

OK, it's not the cutting.  It's just the scenario that I might not wake up.

I don't want to leave my family yet.

I love them.

Current state of HAM radio, projects and related shit.

I have my YouKits Ek1a that died... again...

Rather, it's a good receiver, but is useless as a transmitter.

I also have an old school Midland 13-510 2 Meter radio.

Back when I got pretty much all the radio gear that belonged to my friend, he had several kits which weren't finished or started.

A QRP antenna tuner and an Oscilloscope that he started, and didn't realize it had SMD parts.

So he put in all the other parts, but the SMD.  Then he took the whole kit, put it back in the shipping bag and put it into his box.

Well, I got it, saw how to solder SMD components and finished it.

Soldering SMD is much easier than I realized.

You just need to put a small, and I mean small, dab of solder on one pad, then hold one end of the part to that pad, and heat it up.

I'm a stubborn bastard, so I used my 100 watt solder gun.

Sounds like too much power & heat?

Yes, yes it was... at first.

Then I learned I could do the work faster and safer with it still.

I figured out that if I hold the trigger down for a second or two at a time, until the solder finally melts, I can let go and just wait for a few more seconds for it to cool down.

Worked fine.

After I finished it and ran the self tests & adjustments...

I needed somewhere to put it, since it didn't come with it's own case.

Many people online made their own "cases" out of plexiglass, etc.

Me...

I work in wood, so I made a wooden box that holds the whole unit pretty darn snug.

I even included a small compartment so that test lead(s) can be stored.

When it came to the lid, I didn't want to play around with hinges this time.

So, I cut out a piece of 1/4" plywood that fits the inner part of the box snugly.

Then I cut another piece of wood that matches the outer size of the box.

As you may guess, I glued the top & inner pieces together, so that the inner piece was centered in the top one.

This morning, I put it all together and it is snug and I have to pry the top off just a little bit for it to open.

Now, at least, it will go into the drawer with my other test tools, without me worrying about damaging the screen or the whole freakin unit.

Well, I haven't had much sleep today, so I'm going to skin out.

Well, they're gone... again... and the pain...

To start off with, I suppose it's the usual.

My freakin' legs hurt... AGAIN

I had a real hard time sleeping last night.

So much so, that I got up, listened to a radio show or two, while I was doing various word puzzles from a Puzzle Variety book that my uncle left behind.  My uncle bought those damn books by the case.

My pain medication use is skyrocketing right now.

I'm taking them 2-3 at a time right now.

I'm supposed to back off on these meds the month prior to the surgery so that the newer doses of the meds will be more effective.

Shit.. I don't know WTF is going to happen when I get there.

Damn.. I'm almost there already.

Only about 4 weeks before they replace the right knee, then at the end of August the left one will be done.

The last week or two, I've been pushing to get things done.

Like turning the large tree stump in the yard into a planter.

This afternoon, after work, I'm going over to a friend's house so that I can demo what Ubuntu 16 looks like on their daughter's touch screen laptop.

I need to do this, because the fucking Windows 8.x license is stored on a hidden partition of the original hard drive.

but...

The original hard drive froze up.

I mean literally froze up or seized if that's better for you to understand.

The damn thing wouldn't spin up.

I took the drive cover off, and tried to clean it up enough for it to spin, but it was pretty much damn stuck so that the platters & heads wouldn't move.

Since I owe this friend some time & money for some radio equipment, I ordered a new drive, and I will install it when it comes in next week.

I'm so freakin' tired right now, I really want to stop for the day and find out what's up with the car parts I ordered.  I need to replace the back spark plugs on the car, but this requires me to remove the upper intake manifold.

I figured if I took the manifold off and was going to replace the plugs, it would be worth the cost to replace the plug wires too.

As for Ellie and the Misses, they left early this morning for their annual girls club meeting in an adjoining state.

So I'm by myself all weekend.

So far, while I've been working and building/compiling shit, I've gone through my schematics & projects and organized them.

I suppose, I should start another post for what I'm doing with my radio & hobby building shit...

So there I go.

This isn't the first time per se'...

I take some pretty strong pain killers for my arthritis pain.

Today, I was in pain, and feeling a bit down.

So, I took two of my pills at one time, which I've done in the past.

I also took some caffiene which I've done in the past too.

This morning, for some reason I don't understand, I got a buzz.

It was the first time in a year or two that I actually wanted this feeling.

Right now, it does feel good to be in this state.

I am very, very cognitive, and able to write code & this blog.

Why not be like this all time or more often?

Well, while I do enjoy this feeling on occasions, I don't want to make it any sort of habit.

Especially before the knee replacement surgeries.

I don't need my body's pain receptors to become used to the level of medication I've taken today.

Granted, what I took is actually going to be less than I'm going to take after the replacement surgeries.

I dunno.

Perhaps I'm trying to say here, is that while I enjoy it, I don't want to keep doing it on any regular basis.

"I'm bored", Francis said, "Let's steal a car"

That line is from one of my new favorite quirky songs, Old Friends by Ylvis. (

https://youtu.be/D2NtlTFQznA)

 

If you haven't seen the video, take time to watch it.

You'll either laugh at it, or stand aghast.

I'm not going to do anything in that video...

I'm just bored.

I can work, but I want someone to talk to.

It's hard for Ellie to understand it sometimes.

Recently, Ellie wants me to perform like I did when I was in my 20s.

Well, things just don't work like anymore.

I am thinking more and more about just moving all my work hardware back to the fucking corporate site and driving there day or night whenever I need to work.

For the past 7 years, I've worked at home 99.9999% of the time.

It's gotten old, and I want my office & desk back.

I really don't like coming in here after I'm done working.

It kind of defeats the need for my office or desire to do anything with my other hobbies.

Since I was put on Zyprexa, I'm now very fucking tired for half of the day, until it wears off.

Working from home makes this hard to deal with.

Ellie will basically ride my ass until I'm out of bed.

She doesn't say anything, but instead, makes the bed while I'm still in it.

When she does this, she isn't really considerate about it.

She flips the blankets all over, turns on the fucking overhead light fairly bright everytime.

Whenever I worked at the corporate office, I usually showered and dressed in as low of light as I could.  That way she could sleep longer.

These days, it seems that she's just not being considerate or compassionate towards me or others.

Hell, I don't know if she's even nice in the classroom with the special need kids these days.


I love her, and I think that she's getting burned out from working.

One or more of the children in their classroom has been much more needy these days.

Ellie's not the teacher for the classroom, so I don't know if she's being assigned to work with the kid(s), or if she's volunteering.

Now Ellie will usually volunteer and try to fix and patch things up.

That's why she's started spending a lot of time at Sally's house.

Sally and her husband are hoarders.

There's so much shit in their house, that they were given new kitchen cabinets and they might not be installed.

I remember seeing the new cabinets in their kitchen years ago.  I couldn't help them do it at the time, and I'm not sure if anyone else I know with skills helped them.

Ellie and the Misses spend 4+ hours the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and brought down an old couch and shit loads of other trash & junk.

That was only from ONE room in their upstairs.

They also have several other rooms and attic spaces crammed full of junk!

We know when Ellie has finished helping them clean up everything, that the hoarding will go back to usual.

See, the reason why Ellie is helping them, is that Sally & Husband need to get a loan to get their electrical system update.

The house is so messed up, it should be condemned.

Plumbing in there is old and messed up, walls have mold, attics are full of old mattresses & rags, etc, that there are probably mice, opossums, etc living in them, and their electrical wiring is FUBAR.

But...

Sally's husband inherited the house that was all paid off.

All Sally & Husband need to do is maintain insurance and Taxes for the property.

They both have mental health issues.

Sally is one of those "bat shit fucking crazy" Bipolar people.  Ok, she's not completely crazy, but she's definitely not firing on all cylinders.

Her husband has... I don't know, nor do they really have a 100% idea of what's wrong.

I think it's crazy shaken (not stirred) cocktail of schizophrenia, ADHD, and depression.

For me though, I am bored because I just want someone to chat with.

Ellie was sick over the weekend, and whenever I felt the possible urge to be intimate with her, I refrained from trying to get worked up.

The rest of the time Ellie wants to do it, it's really late at night, I'm tired as hell from the Zyprexa side affect...

That and I'm not feeling very close to her, because we just don't spend time with each other.

Last week, she put on a movie in the front room to watch it, instead of hinting that spend time in the bedroom.

Even if we don't do the humpy-dumpy, it's nice to just spend time interacting with each other.  Like playing cribbage or backgammon or even just chatting about stuff we did or want to do.

I love Ellie and several months ago we were really going at it, I felt so much closer to her than I do now.

Just seems that I can't get her to slow down and spend time with me.

I've bitched, moaned and ranted enough time.

Keep your stick on the ice.