It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. - Phillip J. Fry

When you don't know what else to say, turn to Futurama.  Lots of random funny stuff there.

I recently returned from seeing my shrink, "The Ogre". (His last name is similar to a famous animated Ogre)

When he found out that I cut my usage of Effexor back to 75mg of 150mg, he kind of flipped out.

Personally, I don't see why he seems to care so much about the Effexor usage.

While on 300mg for many months, I was still having so many various emotional problems before going on Zyprexa and then Lamictal.

I stressed to him today the reason for cutting back Effexor. "INTIMACY!" to get the DESIRE to get "Funky" or "Frisky" with Ellie.

That he seemed to understand.

I mean, not having the desire to lust after women & look at suggestive pictures, etc was nice... but it also hasn't been so nice when you feel you should get "Frisky" with your mate... but don't really have the desire to do anything with them in that manner.

The Ogre put me on a tapering off dosage schedule for the Effexor and put me on Viibryd...

Out of curiosity, I looked up effects of VIIBRYD & Bipolar... Looks like if this works "right", I'll be back on the manic side of Bipolar again...

I liked being on the manic bandwagon many times, but I didn't like the anger episodes & vitriol hate & venom that I often had/spewed.

Good thing Ellie loves me and if I tell her about this, she'll at least know to keep a lookout for problems with me.

"The Ogre" asked if I had further questions/comments/etc... I told him there have been times recently that I've been feeling good enough to start wondering why I took any of these drugs, aside from my pain pills.  That I often have been tempted to stop taking them, but I was afraid to do that.

I feel like my memories of how I was before the medication are fading.  Often it feels like I never had a problem at all and those problems were all just a "dream"...

Since I was only recently diagnosed with bipolar, I remember what it was like before my extreme emotional problems....  Now it feels like I never had the emotional problems to begin with...

Classic bipolar/depression type scenario, right?  You don't feel like you have any problems anymore or that you had any problems to begin with, so why take the meds... right?

I'm going to keep moving forward with my meds... but damned if I don't feel the way that I feel right now...