Don't actually sue me... I don't have much money, and I'm supporting a family with two children.
Ok, granted, if I'd had more children, you might actually feel sorry for me, and offer to give me money.
Well, not all of us can do what my parents had done. There were six of us kids.
Even back in the late 70's & early 80's many people were shocked.
Of course, we didn't live in Utah or some largely Catholic community. We were in the heart of Southern California, so a large variety of people, most of which only had 1-3 children anyway.
Hell, most of the kids I went to school with only had 1-2 siblings, while I had 5.
I don't know my older siblings as well as my younger sister, but then again, she and I stuck together during some pretty rough years for the family.
My brothers were off on Missions, and I was graduating High School.
I never wanted to go on a mission... Even as a young kid, the thought of going out and teaching people or knocking on doors, intimidated me and it was something that I didn't want to do.
As a teenager, I fought off everyone's attempt to coax me into going, and I didn't go.
Am I a different person for not going? Perhaps. Would my life be better off if I'd have gone? I won't know... I took the route that I took, because it was what I wanted.
I probably wouldn't have been knocking around with my girlfriend at the time, and wind up marrying the psycho. If you think Bipolar people are crazy, you need to meet my ex-wife and understand some of the crap that she did. WOW
Looking back on my life, I made my decisions and it appears that the Lord had decided to help me by putting the right sorts of things in my way. Like my ex-wife. Without meeting her, I'd have never come back to the church, nor would I have probably stayed out of jail or prison. (BTW, I've never been to either, although some crimes I've committed should've landed me there.)
Without going through the painful divorce, I'd never have ended up in the North West US, and married my current wife, Ellie.
I love Ellie, and our children are the best!
Does this mean that I'm always solid on my faith in God? No... In fact last year, while I was going through my big struggle with my mental illness, I challenged him many, many times. I would cry and wonder where He was. I would shout and swear at Him.
I never really understood why I was like that, until I was reading a news article one day that had a YouTube video embedded on it. This video, of course, when it was over, had links to other videos. Eventually, after wasting sometime, I saw this pretty young face with the description of something about Bipolar. So I clicked on it, and wound up spending the next day and a half watching her videos, instead of working.
Now, if I was an employer, I'd be pissed that someone had missed that much time working and not taking it as time off. But, I didn't necessarily tell my employer. ( I know, it's something that I've repented of, and my boss understood as I actually started getting the help I needed.)
Watching this young lady's Vlogs (video logs) about her Bipolar condition struck a cord with me, and I felt like she had been describing my problems.
Then through a subscription to her channel I met up with another bipolar guy, who's descriptions of his life sounded just like mine! (Hey, I was onto something!!!)
So, I finally started wondering if I was bipolar, since I'd slipped into a depression and was having uncontrolled rage/anger episodes. (Don't worry, no one got hit, but I sure swore and yelled a lot)
After telling my counselor that I felt I was going crazy, I saw a shrink. Finally, I got put on Effexor. (I'm now working on getting off of it.) It helped with most of the anger, but it didn't really help over all. I got into arguments with the shrink and during the appointments he basically only talked to my wife.
I got fed up with that shrink and switched. During the time that I was switching, I was "stable", but I was starting to get paranoid and have small break downs again. (Again with the crying, and arguing with God.)
So, my first appointment with the new shrink went well, and I thought I'd be OK... Well, I was still having my freakin' weird sleeping habits. Where I'd know at least 1-2 nights a week, and it was sometimes totally random, that I'd only sleep 1-2 hours, if that, and I'd be awake and alert and ready to do things.
Then my wife went with me to an appointment when I was in a bit of a panic mode. She finally said that my moods going up and down were really painful to watch and that I needed something.
I was put on Zyprexa and a few days later, I was doing my hobbies again, and starting to feel like I wasn't behind a large glass door watching my life.
These days, I'm off Zyprexa, but I'm also working up my dose of Lamictal and I'm also on half the dosage of Effexor.
Granted, the Shrink will probably be a bit surprised that I tapered off of these myself, but I had to do something. My weight gain on those drugs put me well over 300lbs! I usually weighed in around 270-290, and I'm well over 6'2". (As previously noted, but since this post is more recent and I doubt the reader will read ALL of my posts... I post it again.)
Lamictal was weight neutral, and didn't have the libido/bedroom problems that "side" Effexor has. (The new shrink to me that's what they called Effexor sometimes... "Side-Effects OR")
Well, that's my rant and rave for the day and yesterday.. I suppose...
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