I'm worried about my job... again.

Many times in the past, I've worried about keeping my employment... especially with a large corporation.

This year, they're forcing those who do not work directly with customers to take the full labor day week off, just to cut down on the financial obligation/sheet.

What does that mean?

It means that those with a large amount of Paid Time Off (PTO), will have to lose some of that.  It is sick and vacation days.  These are obviously very valuable for each person in different ways.  For me, these are for medical reasons. (Gout, sleep, bipolar, arthritis, kidney stones, etc.)  Others in the organization love their time off, and occasionally will build it up and take several weeks of vacation at a time.

Again, what does this mean?

PTO belongs to the employee, and when that person quits or is let go, that PTO gets cashed out to them.  So if I had 200 hours of PTO built up, making $50/hour, that's worth $10,000 before taxes.

So, why are you worried about your job?

I'm worried, as the forcing of a LARGE part of a company to burn up this type of $ seems like a good way to setup for a large layoff.  With the over all PTO buckets being burned up, the financial obligation by the corporation is LOWER than if they are full.

What else points to possible layoffs?

 Well, the bean counters announced that this was to lower the financial obligation and balances... for profit's sake, and that some (one/person/idiot/collective morons) made some BIG mistakes for purchasing things, etc. etc.

I'm not really at the bottom of things, which is where the least amount of impact happens, but I'm also not at the top of things.  Where I'm also at is a worry place.  I'm a software developer, and once an idea of conceived by one of us, it's a matter then of passing it onto someone who can also write code, but get paid less for it. (i.e. outsourcing/moving offshore the work)

I do work with a team in India, and have since 2009.  Personally, I don't mind working with the people from India.  For the most part, they are very honest and hard working.  In many ways, MUCH more so than my fellow Americans.  Many of my fellow countrymen have gotten into the entitlement mindset. ("Where's my disability check, that I didn't work for?")

Is that it for today's rant?

Yes, that's pretty much it.

Gout sucks, and life did too... Maybe I'm on the upswing... again.

I know that I'm not really over the gout... The feet & heels still hurt, but it seems more bearable, although, perhaps it more from the fact that I'm accepting it instead of fighting.

Personally, I still want to fight things, and always will be a fighter...

Maybe I'm still in a manic state where euphoria often exists, and things seem rosy and happy?

After all I am bipolar, and over the last weekend, I was in a manic state.  I've also noticed that I don't mind spending more money and my inhibitions for doing or stopping some things is much lower.

One of the inhibitions that I really don't want them to be lower, is my sexual desires & what not... Not stopping things with Ellie, but letting go around others or having a harder time not staring/wanting to do inappropriate things. (Not illegal, but inappropriate for a traditionally married person.)

Yesterday was a fun day, and I enjoyed myself.  Our Indian counter parts from the Pune Office are onsite with us here in the U.S.  Some of these guys are pretty dang funny, and interacting with other developers on our project is really insightful.  Many of our ideas overlap, while others bring very new & fresh perspectives.

About 1/4 of us come from various aspects of technical support from our company.  I come from consumer databases, AntiVirus/Computer security, and backup technologies.  Another one is also from the AntiVirus/Security real, but more specialized in the mail security systems, while we have another from the Network Security / Firewalls, etc.

Those of us from Technical Support, are all self taught.  We enjoy the aspect of being able to make a computer/electronic device do what we want it to and what it is capable of.  It's like that with my HAM radio & other gear.

The rest of the team, including those from India, are developers, and typically trained or carrier developers.

Speaking on HAM radio, I am a licensed amateur with a General Class license and eventually I'll upgrade to my Extra Class license.

Since I value my anonymity online, I will NEVER post my CallSign!

With a HAM callsign, you can lookup their fullname, address, etc, all through the FCC & ARRL websites.

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood?

I've been fighting with the gout a lot recently.. in fact this time last week, I was in REALLY bad pain.

Over the weekend, especially Saturday, I started into a manic state.  I installed the sink cabinet, installed the new sink hardware, and the counter top.

If that wasn't good enough, I sat through a movie with Big Miss, and afterwords, I thought I was going to go to sleep... but I got up and kept going... Cut and installed the trim boards... Then got up, grabbed the paint can and painted the cut ends of the boards and nail heads that were put in... Next, I installed the brass floor strip that separates the linoleum from the hardwood floor... Then I put in the drawers of the sink cabinet, moved the dresser we're using for towels in.

My manic states usually only last for several days, but even today, I still feel a bit ramped up.

Now, I would've kept going, but I finally decided to watch Young Guns II and fell asleep through parts of it, and after turning it off, I passed out and fell to sleep.

Sunday was similar, as I was going through the house picking things up, doing laundry, etc.

One major sad thing about Saturday, was that my old/ancient cat, who was 15+ years old, died. He stopped eating about a week earlier, didn't really drink anything, and started using various rugs as his cat box.

The last straw was when I found him one morning with all of his paws wet with urine.  At that point, I knew it was time, and finally had him put down.

This old boy was a good friend and will be missed very much.

I suppose Google must be working again...

I'm not really trying to bog down Google here, but I saw that I had traffic on the blog here.

If someone or so found this, and find it entertaining or helpful, add a post, and if you'd like more perhaps, I'll republish all of my entries, which I started over a year ago.

Last year sometime, this blog went completely underground, and thus I lost all readership.

Having readership was never my goal, since this was being written for my sake, instead of for the sake of anyone else.

Although, if it wasn't for others creating VLogs on YouTube, I wouldn't have figured out I was bipolar.

If it wasn't for those individuals sharing their life, my life would probably be in the crapper still.

Well, that's all I'm going to write about for now... (My dang finger nails are so long I'm having a hard time typing right now.)

I am a man of constant sorrow!!!

I don't really understand why God has decided that I need to be a man of constant sorrow or perhaps a man of constant pain.

A month or so ago, I was able to wear my shoes again after the original bout of gout & what not.

Now, again, I'm FUBAR!

My feet have been sore and painful for weeks, but bearable.

Now, the fucking gout/swelling at the back of the heel is back again.

Again, I'm at the same dilemma, where the Fuck to go for remedy!

I saw my GP and he gave me some prednisone, and some more Colcrys.

The rest of Monday was painful, but not too damn bad.. I think.

Tuesday morning, the fucker woke me up again, around 3:00 AM.

I took my regular meds. the prednisone, and Colcrys.

Pain started to subside.  Yet, it was there through out the morning.

In the afternoon, I was able to take my regular pain meds, and the Colcrys.  My pain pills haven't been enough to control the pain and it seems that the Colcrys has been working really well.

I tested it by taking it hours before my afternoon dose of pain meds.  Then again that night, hours before my regular pain pills.

The pain subsided, not all the way, but bearable.

Last night, I slept pretty well, and didn't really wake up due to pain.

When I woke up, "Shark Tooth" Bruce was there, sleeping at my feet and I bumped the little fucker's head with my heel, and woke myself up the rest of the way.

The last couple of hours, I was trying to sit up and work, but the pain couldn't be controlled that sitting at my desk.  So now, I'm sitting up in the recliner, typing this and hoping I can get back to work.

I'm really tired of pills and this fucking pain.

I agree with a guy at church, that I seem to have been born to sustain pain.  I bore the kidney stone pain, now this fucking gout pain, and of course the sinus & migraine pains.

As I first started, I have become a man of constant sorrow, and it really fucking hurts.

My bipolar is under control, and I'm not really able to feel depressed about this current situation, but I really hate it though.

I sent a number of messages to my new GP and haven't heard back yet.  I wonder if I should just schedule an appointment with him, just to get better response from him.

I honestly don't know what to do.

It just fucking hurts.