(Uncle update) Maybe today was a bad day to stop the last half of my Effexor dosage...

As of a few months ago, I was on 300mg of Effexor, and after I really started on Lamictal, I dropped to 150mg.

This week, I planned on dropping the other 150mg of the drug.

Due to my uncle's worsening state, I wonder if this was a good idea.

I'm a whole lot more emotional right now.

I know that death brings a certain amount of sadness & emotion with it, but damn, I don't need any more assistance with it because my emotional medications are different too.

Several hours ago, I got a call from the hospice workers, that they were there with my uncle and that he was in a lot of pain.  They also suggested that we bring some extra pillows and if possible a fan.

I had already planned on going over to see him around lunch today.

When I told Ellie, she wanted to go with me, so I figured she would get things ready while, I was getting wrapped up with my current bit of work/code.

An hour later, Ellie still wasn't ready, the kids were busy with chores she gave them.  I got a bit upset, and told her that I really wanted to go, and that I was about ready to go without them.

Ellie drove, as I wanted her to drop me off, then they could run across the road to Wal-Mart and get him some pillows and an oscillating fan.

When I got to his room, he was barely dressed, because it was so hot, and was very well medicated.  His room is on the east side of the building, and they've been trying to keep the door closed so that it'd be quieter for him.  That only made the room hotter, so when we got the fan setup, it was more comfortable for him.

Along with the fan, Ellie also got him three very large & fluffy pillows with pillow cases, so that way he could possibly be as comfortable as possible.

I don't know why I'm so emotional right now.  Damn.

Tears are just welling up, and I can't tell if it's because of being off the final leg of Effexor or if it's just hoping that my uncle is finally going onto the next world.

Just a bit ago, when I took my afternoon pain pill, I took the Effexor.  If I didn't have that additional emotional support/control, I'd be a real mess.  Worse than I am now.

I'm glad that my uncle is going on, as I know he's missed his parents, brothers and sister.  He's the last of them, aside from my own father.

For the past 8-10 years or so that I've been around my uncle, whenever he's had pain or problems around his mid section, he's always sworn it was cancer, and it was his turn to die.  None of this ever turned out to be true....  Not until December 2012, when he was in a lot of pain and a doctor finally looked at the cancer markers in his blood.  By that time, it would've been several months that he had to live.

As I previously blogged, my uncle underwent several rounds of chemo therapy, and he lived well until the past few months... now the past week he's gone downhill so fast, that it's a wonder that we saw him at all passing this far.

I'm just so fucking sad!

Not depressed, but fucking sad...