Since the last post lots of good and sad and even REALLY SAD things have happened.
I kept looking for work, even drove over 200 miles one day to take a test for getting post office jobs.
That day started good, I was doing dishes, when all of a sudden I remember about it, so I stopped, took everything out of the sink, then left.
While I was gone, Ellie came home and thought I had done nothing, and started to flip out.
She had called her dad, then when I called her she was completely pissed off.
I had to tell her and then prove to her that I this scheduled, then to also show her the text message date and time stamps that I had sent her just before I left.
Ellie was not happy that day still, but she realized she had nothing to really be mad at since I didn't just up and leave for no good reason'
It was shortly after that, when we had a stupid argument over our cat that she left. She went to school with the Misses and then when they came home, she packed up a shit load of things and they left to her mom's house.
That night, Little Miss stayed with me, and I was glad. It helped me feel better to have her here.
Now we're still married and reconciled.
BUT! I do want to conceded here, that I almost found out what the barrel of my gun tasted like. That scared me a LOT.
However, during that few weeks, I spent a LOT of time looking at myself and writing down things and sending them to Ellie.
I started caring for myself and the house better.
Learning how to do yard work that I couldn't previously do.
In short, it was a wake up for me on a personal level, but it also woke me up to things about Ellie that are concerning. She fights really bad anxiety. She's VERY babied by her parents, mostly by her mom.
During the summer, while camping, she invited a small family close by to come over and roast marshmallows. The little girl had never done it before. After they left, Ellie and I went for a walk and she was really mad because the little family said they were going to come over again the next night so their daughter could do it again. The child had never done it until that night. So, Ellie was flipping out because she could not be alone with her family! It's scary to think that, but it's true.
I did get a job as a driver, but I'm make about 1/4th of what I used to make.
There was a time there where I was signed up to work on the phone doing customer service. A little bit into it, I realized their customers were all morons, and my own anxiety was getting to me and I was starting to use my pain meds to cope. I also realized that they wanted me to help people who wanted to cancel their service stay with them. That makes sense, but the way they did that was to offer them free stuff, then bill the hell out of them several months later for the new services and devices. Fuck that. So I left them, over my own moral convictions. This was before the temporary split, so it did fuel that tension too.
It.'s all good now, but we had very little money, Ellie is a school teacher and we spent way too much money for her classroom supplies. She also spent way too much money on these summer trips that were supposed to be paid for by the girls club...
This next year, employment for her will be up in the air too. Her job is only for this school year and instead of teaching a dedicated grade still, she's now teaching specialized children. Her pay goes up, but it also means we'll need to work on getting her additional college courses to get the special education endorsement.
In all honesty, I hate the education system and it's rife with hypocrysy
